Winter Solstice

"We all come together when we need to," my aunt said. That is the truth. As a new generation emerges the lines begin to be redrawn. November was the first birthday and baptism of the first great grandson of my grandmother.

December was the loss of my cousins father, a man that was like a second father to me. The family barely started to prepare for the holidays when a great uncle fell ill. The cancer already to wide spread from his liver through his body he is being cared for by his eldest daughter and her family. It seems to be the winter in three different branches of my family, as we children learn to care for our own parents.

It is a subtle but plausible shift. We were raised with elders that were cared for and remained at home, never nursing homes. And now as death arrives we are choosing still to have the hospice and ailing at home. It is a loving process full of dignity and respect. We defy Western ways when needed.

The cousins I used to wrestle with, go to midnight mass with, go to the corner store with, and gorge on candy with, well it seems we are all grown up. My cousin is hosting her first Christmas. My aunt her first Christmas. Another cousin hosting her first Christmas with her ailing father. I too saw fit to host my parents in a new city.

At one time we all filled one home in Mexico on noche buena. All of us together, some of the best memories of my childhood. Although we are apart, the closeness remains. Home is where we are gathered. As we begin to give back to the family that provided us with the foundation for our adult lives, some of us get it, and are cautiously but thoughfully embracing family and tradition for another generation.

There are somethings only respect, effort, compassion, humility and love can build. When we were children we saw these things, when we grew up we made the effort to become them.