Faith, Hope, & Love...

Future Perfect...

I have wandered off and into another virtual space...will write and check in here periodically.

Thank you for reading, xoxo

Papis Cumple!

Made my way to LA to celebrate my papacitos birthday!

They had already been to a Willy Nelson concert the night before and stayed out til six am. We enjoyed a great dinner at the Sportmans Lodge.

The next night was tequila and Mariachi...tomorrow is dinner with Familia Roque!
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McCain's VP Rejects

Tahoe Donner

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OutsideLands!

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Woke up early to move my car for street cleaning. Made my way to the Mission District to Belmar y La Gallinita. Mental list, ordered my dozen of handmade tortillas, my bag of fresh and cleaned nopales, my queso fresco, picked out some cilantro and tomatoes...As I waited for my order of tortillas I had one with a slice of queso fresco and a Mexican coke. Friday perfect.

I was all smiles with my cane sugar soda and hot off the girl tortillas de maiz. Walked towards my car. And continued to walk. Perplexed- where exactly was my car? The mental list and yummy anticipation had totally blocked my ability to recall my parking spot. En serio- I thought okay, think- and the next best thing is to just continue to walk around and talk to someone who could appreciate and laugh with you. Unfortunately none of those people- mi Papa, mi Frank, mi Monica seemed to be available at the moment. Fortunately I was walking down the wrong street and found my car.

My mom called me and I told her my funny story.

All my errands out of the way I parked my car for the weekend, sure enough a few hours later the neighborhood was overcome with festival goers.

I sliced up the nopales with onion drizzled in olive oil and kosher salt and set them in the oven. My friend came over with tequila which we drank and snacked before heading towards the park.

On our way down the block we ran into our favorite door guy and had a drink for the road. Found two more festival buddies to share a cab with. They said drinks on them after the show.

Inside the festival we caught the end of Steel Pulse. Tried to get in touch with friends inside but the iphones and crackberrys were making mobile communication impossible.

Found our way towards the front of the polo field stage for Manu Chao- love him, more and more each time I see him. He gave shout out after shout out to Mexico!

Radiohead was a big downer- my friend wanted to stay a bit longer. The stage was beautiful lavender light emanating into the dark park sky- the music was too mellow. I said- this makes me want to kill myself. Reaction finally made our way through the tunnel towards the free redbull onto the bus and back into the bar where our cab buddies showed up and true to their word offered us more drinks...

House of Cards

Looking forward to hearing this live!!!

Manu Manu Manu!

Counting down the days to Friday...The San Francisco Outside Lands Festival, is gracing my back yard!

Looking forward to meeting up with city friends for a phenomenal concert that we can walk too :)

City as Muse

For a thriving creative class...Photos from last night drinks at the 500 Club with the Fuzzy MFA's. Jazz club with friend tending bar. The drums, the talentless and the talent-full. My life with the almost famous- novelist, scholars, artists and musicians.

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Summertime

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My summers are marked by travel and music...Fortunately this year I have had my share of both and good friends with whom to partake.

When I returned from Portland my friend picked me up from the airport and after freshening up we picked up my fuzzy friend and headed to the loft party. Found the birthday girl, handed her a bottle of bubbly and after enjoying the amazing sound system made our way to a late night dinner.

From the generous folks and friends at Stern Grove heard the amazing sounds of Si*Se and Bajofondo Performing live. I have long been a fan of Si*Se and the cd I have was burned for me, with the playlist written in my best friend from 9th grades meticulous handwriting. This week finally made it to Amoeba and picked up a copy of Bajofondo- Mardulce.

The week was full of early morning cafe outings to focus on the more scholarly elements of my life. Rockin Java and Tartine being among my current cafe favorites!

Met with my friend and the Stern Grovers for yummy food at 'Home,' their $4 signature cocktail happy hour was also very nice. Perfect stop before walking over for a show at the du Nord.

With my Seattle native friend checked out nights at the de Young featuring the work of Chihuly, live music and water coloring- quite a treat.

Pulled off a successful Bridal Brunch and looking forward to the Hen night! The city girls are getting married- one down three to go, those lucky, lucky men :)

The LA girls are having babies- the last four all being perfectly beautiful baby boys.

The familia is strong and well, making plans to; the lake, to Bolinas, Arizon, the Gulf of Mexico...everything around is growing.

I couldn't be happier.

photo above was taken Sunday the 10 of August in Dolores park- another day of sun, friends and bubbly

Portland

It had been two years since my friend left San Francisco...the days flew bye as we talked nonstop.

Met her son for the first time. Caught up with her and her husband.

Took the train down from Seattle, straight to her yoga class. Went to Last Thursday in her Alberta Arts district.

Great breakfast on the patio of Tin Shed, great coffee at Random Order, the best bookstore I have been to in the nation- Powells, a new found favorite in the Pearl district.

How could I forget the trip to the vineyards and drinks at the Bye and Bye.
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Seattle

A fun business trip with plenty of time to sample great food, drinks, and sights.

Off to Portland...
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3am.jpg

Sometimes you meet people and you know the story is just begining...

When I met her we were both out with musicians, bonded instantly over our Mexicaness. In a room together the Argentine and the Puerto Rican would exclaim- Amor a la Mexicana!

She was the guerita and I was the morenita. We made plans for dinner parties, and double dates that would never happen.
At least not with them. It would take months before we finally sat down for that cafecito. There like ribbons our stories would unravel and we would laugh in mutual shock and horror...

We set out with our new found friendship- reclaiming spaces, catching up on life events like long lost primas...before the sun came up we had men offering us drinks, serving us patron, offering to build us bonfires. Some we accepted others declined as we navigated our way through the city night.

With the first sign of sunlight we said goodnight to the after-after party with the band. Laughed as we recounted the night moving easily from english to spanish and made plans into the summer...



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Tennis Passport

When I was in Jr. High my Mom and my best friends Mom decided they would sign us up for tennis lessons at the Northridge park recreation center.

I remember it was the typical San Fernando Valley heat , there was a lot of drill and kill, and I thought where is the fun in chasing this ball around the court? I couldn't wait for the lessons to end. Maybe we took two six-week session because my best friend liked it and my mom had agreed to the carpool.

It was difficult to explain what I did not like about my tennis lessons back then. It was a sport I had enjoyed watching- I thought Wimbledon on TV was really a cool thing to follow. Even had a crush on Andre Agassi, remembered the adverts always featured champagne and strawberries and I thought- now that is my kind of tennis.

Over the years I would explain when asked if I played tennis- oh, it is not for me, did take lessons once and did not enjoy it. I was pretty adamant it was out of my skill set. Then a boy asked me if I played...again I said, no.

Over time, he reasoned if I had only one or two bad experiences with tennis maybe we should try again- just for fun. Trying to find a hobby in common, he did not like yoga, I did not want to do Capoeria, we settled on swimming and tennis. We were equally opposite, I had been swimming since I was five-years old and he grew up playing tennis. Maybe it was my competitive edge or, not wanting to be a complete disaster on the court- but I started to think I should take a tennis lesson or two.

My University has a tennis pro...And soon the summer session was starting so I inquired. I went shopping for a tennis skirt, and when the guy called me- I told him I was taking a lesson. Okay, he laughed let me know when you want to practice.

I arrived to my first noon time lesson with my directors blessing and her very nice Prince racket. The tennis pro changed my name indefinitely to Lenora and I wondered if I had any eye hand coordination, but felt no pressure and laughed at my mistakes.

The tennis pro told us stories and about his non-profit to get first generation school age tennis players on the courts. The next week I couldn't wait to go back. Again the tennis pro shared stories of all the public courts in the city, how easy it is to find partners to play with. Commented that before we knew it- Lenora would be organizing matches, I laughed.

He was right, suddenly as I shared with new and familiar friends I was enjoying my tennis lessons they all started to offer to play. Two of my colleagues took up the lessons with me. Our director already plays and offered to play doubles with us when we are ready.

So it has been about a month of lessons, and already I played with my colleagues at Sea Ranch, and yesterday the tennis pro held a lesson for us at his country club...needless to say the boy that reignited my tennis interest and I may never play, but perhaps there will be others.

This week a woman I am working on a committee with invited me to her club to play. Turns out she is just starting also and her husband plays really well. I don't know why but so far all the women I have met play less well than their partners. Is it a male dominated sport? What about- the Serena's, Martina's, Anna's of the tennis world? Fortunately for me, my girlfriends are not there yet.

My tennis pro said, "Lenora, tennis is like a passport, you can go anywhere with a descent game." I assured him I had a passport and was far from having any sort of 'game!' Needless to say my mom is glad I found my way back to the sport she always wanted me to play, and so am I.

sunday perfect

Sun, bubbly, and popscicles on a perfect Sunday at Dolores Park with friends :)
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Firecracker, firecracker, shish, boom, bah

It has been a beautiful week full of love...

The sun is out, new and familiar friendships abound and I feel very still. Woke with the urge to reorganize my closet- wardrobe rotation in anticipation of the Indian summer that lies ahead. Sun streaming through the kitchen, my friend and her husband both PhD's and writers shared with me their writing tips and routines. Over tea we talked about centering and writing, getting over the fear of what keeps us from carving words on paper.

Made it to two yoga classes, one tennis practice, and one personal training session this week and my body felt both stronger and sore. I think I am finally getting a hang of this fitness for health lifestyle thing...The Sunday yoga class set the tone for my week- "the opposite of love is fear. Be love," I knew this I thought, but it is always good to be reminded.

From the Sea Ranch to the city, was blessed to mix friendship and work the week through. July is off to a good start, lots of work to do and absolutely ready.

Danced at Dub Mission but that was trumped by Manicato at Afroliscous. Celebrated my favorite Chicanas birthday with botanitas and sparkling wine before dancing the night away with the girls Thursday night.

Enjoyed the holiday from my friends place in Twin Peaks, who hosted us with a veggie and meat spread that complimented her Mojito's perfectly! It was foggy, but no one seemed to mind. Caught up with girlfriends in passing moments as their husbands, boyfriends, dates, were out of ears reach...seems we all had quite a bit to share- the fireworks, couldn't possibly have been half as entertaining :)

The Sea Ranch

Made it up the North coast, past Bodega Bay, Jenner, all the way to Sea Ranch. Saw where the Russian River meets the ocean along the way. We drove up the curvy tree lined road to the multi-story home that would be our remote work place for the next three days.

It was a packed agenda, planning how to carry out the vision and mission of the grant we work for in the upcoming year. It was a beautiful settings to set and create new goals. From the deck, through the trees, you could just peer a glimpse of the ocean below. The glass walls, made it easy to day dream- but it was just as easy to stay engaged on the work at hand; social justice, critical pedagogy, and service learning.

Three of us had no cell phone coverage which meant, no iphone and no blackberry for me. The house was not wireless ready, like we are accustomed to in about every inch of San Francisco. Somehow we survived, I would say I almost enjoyed the lack of connectivity- momentarily.

Of course it was not all work, made it to the hot tube on the deck, practiced our tennis on the courts facing the ocean, and enjoyed the beautiful setting while getting lots of work done :)

June All Stars

Summer is off to a lovely start...

*Project Martinez Martinez in full effect
*Art in Los Angeles
*Lessons with the Tennis Pro
*Dancing the night away...
*Connecting with my Friends
*Making new friends
*Discovering the Pretty leaded glass behind my curtains
*Planning a Bridal Brunch and Hen's night for lovely Momo
*Nine more weeks of personal training
*SPA days
*Travel planning
*Expanding the network
*Writing
*Heading to Sea Ranch!

Mi LA

Five years in August since I left LA and being here never felt so good. At first I would spend every long weekend I had flying home; to see the family, friends, boyfriend, spend the long weekends and holiday breaks. What had I ever left for, I often wondered?

Since then a lot has changed; throughout the city, in the lives of friends and family as well as the culture of LA. What I love about my new city San Francisco, I have finally been able to see emerging here in the hot concrete maze. Sleek buses and metros for public transportation, a thriving creative class, the greening of the city is a work in progress. I love finding the old neighborhoods fending off gentrification and sometimes being revitalized at the same tiime- it is complicated.

June has always been a good month for me in LA, this year I feel more at home than ever. I am not sure if I walked into a heat wave or it is just summer. Experienced two days of commuting to work and decided the 405 freway is a human hazard. The cars crawling along as they make their way mainly one person per car. Ariving at any destination outside the Valley despite the traffic was worth the 15 degree change.

It has been a full week, Mariachi with the parents, visiting with friends and maybe falling for LA again...or maybe just finding my new place among the changing landscape. Either way my two good friends have shared with me some of their LA. Kindly helping me navigate and feel connected still to nuestro Los Angeles...

I spent my free day with my Dad yesterday. We went to lunch in Echo Park with my favorite Chicano, then to the g727 Gallery. I contributed some ChaCha artifacts to the exhibit and the gallery owner shared his space and knowledge with us.

We drove along Wilshire Blvd arriving at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art, had a drink at the cafe and great conversation with William the bartender about our adventures so far. Observing my Dad and I he said "I am looking forward to having a day like this with my daughter, she is 13."
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ATL/SF/LA

I made it back from the South where I was treated warmly and networked with leaders moving the national service, non-violent, social justice agenda forward.

Atlanta, may not be indicative of the rest of Georgia but I experienced new tastes, sights and sounds. At every meal we asked how do the women possible stay thin? Despite the warm weather the portions were tremendous and the food cheesy, gooey goodness. I must say they take pride in their fresh farm to table cuisine....didn't stop us from trying the truffle blue mac n'cheese, too sweet mint juleps and okra stew- my favorite!

Between the three Southern states I have spent time in; Florida, Louisiana and Georgia- I would have to say New Orleans has been my favorite.
*
In San Francisco, the weather has been warm and the days full. Revising familiar paths and forging new ones. Heading to SoCal for work and family the same weekend as the Sierra Nevada World Music Festival. Also skipping the lovely playa at Burning Man to attend a dear friends destination wedding on Kuai.

Renegotiating my time and space to accommodate the sunny days ahead, the dissertation writing, work, my family,friends and love...

Dailey's

Farewell toast in the ATL :)
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Atlanta

The historic Ebenezer Baptist Church.
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Like Magic

Quite the festive week. Started out with dinner at Limon in the Mission, fine Peruvian goodness with the most attentive staff! Made our way down the street to the Elbow Room, without a plan upstairs a Carnaval pre-party with Afrolicious, pure Brazilian and Samba fusion.

Headed to a Bridal Brunch, the Stanford PhD is set to wed later this summer in Seattle, WA. RSVPd to the wedding taking place in Turks and Caicos next Spring. Was overjoyed to receive the call that my dear friend was engaged...It is Weddings and the City season, although all three brides to be reside in the bay area, they opted for destination weddings.

Feeling strong and ready to take on another round of dissertation writing. The fitness commitment reached a lovely minus 8 on the scale! Sticking with the healthy lifestyle change and adding gardening in the organic community garden and tennis with a pro this season.

Heading to the ATL for a conference, to source more funding for my fellows and check out the Crunk scene :)

Friday Textation

Started out the long weekend with 106 text exchanges here are a few of my favorites :)

20:53 'or u can come earlier (8:30) and we can walk twin peaks first.' my friend on prepping for the first bridal event of the season

15:53 'Te quiero mucho yo tambien, happy friday' mi Papi chulo y querido

12:09 'Thank you for celebrating this with me! That means a lot' Bride to be, in response to the Turks and Caicos wedding RSVP

11:17 '...u r Xicana as Anna Castillo dreamed u: Traditional, creative, hard wrking, n smart enuf 2 not put up w bs n get bk 2 ur true self whn u want.' mi Chicano favorito

4:35 'ke pasa che todavia me odias?' como jode el boludito :)

Life of Lo

LA Radio

Part 1 of last weekends trip was all work, sort of...

Landed in LAX, shuttle to rental car, drive along La Cienega Boulevard before arriving to our hotel on Sunset Boulevard.

Check in, freshen up drive through Laurel Canyon to the KPFK studio, years since I had been there. Interview with my two colleagues was fun and familiar to me- no jitters at all.

Took Cahuenga back to Hollywood Boulevard to show my colleague a few of the sights on that side of town. Made our way back to Sunset Boulevard. Drinks at Boa dinner at Asia de Cuba with an amazing view of LA. Passed on the Sky Bar- early morning to get ready, check out, get coffee and head over to the 10am seminar on the West side of town.

Today Wednesday May 14, 2008 short segment on the 6pm evening news, KPFK 90.7fm streaming live.

Then on the hour long show 'Politics or Pedagogy,' Saturday, May 31 at 1:00 PM which will also feature a call-in with a Family Law Judge.

Tune in...

*4:30pm update segment producer called- we will be on the Thursday May 15, KPFK evening news not today 5/14/08...
**Three is a charm segment producer called again- the news segement will finally air today! Friday May 16, 2008

A Good Day

I woke up an hour late for breakfast, and sent a text admitting I needed another hour. The sun was out and I tried to move along and get ready, stopping only to boil water for a yerba mate.

Made a mental list of all the errands I had to run, gathered my stuff, changed purses and surprisingly kept the first outfit I tried. Happy with the open toe flats, short graphic print dress, layered with a small sweater and scarf- sunglasses and out the door.

Maybe I was ten minutes late. He walked out with my two cds and three more of his own, asked if he should drive? I admitted on the way to breakfast, I did not like driving, he was surprised. Seriously I said, if I could have a driver I would.

Deciding where to go I reminded him of the Hayes Valley brunch spot that we skipped one Sunday because the line was out the door. Stacks, I think was the name and we made our way through the sunny streets, even found parking.

Inside Stacks 'comfortable food', I asked for a booth please and we got it. I loved the upscale coffee-shop and the kind server who said, no worries, there are four pages of choices. I knew instantly I was having a savory breakfast crepe, just had to decide which one. He went with some scramble that involved meat.

We caught up easily, shared, asked, answered and then he said, where to first? I am your chauffeur for the day. I smiled. On the way to the car he said he never knew I did not prefer to drive.

I rambled off all the places I needed to go and we made our way through the city. The transit office for my residential parking permit, office store for certificates for work, a department store for a return I had to make.

In the department store I showed him where the men's stuff was and said I just need to look at a few things. He laughed, and agreed. I picked out some shoes I was interested in, and when I returned admired his one selection. Mentioned to him, cuando te queria tried to pick something out for you. 'Oh, ya no me quieres?' No, you know I like things on my time-line. Then he really started laughing and I joined him.

We looked for a few more things and I said wow- you have amazingly bad taste in handbags. I couldn't tell if he had bad taste or was just being annoying. He didn't mind shopping with me and that is something I did not know about him. It reminded me of Aguascalientes, where you see the men and women accompanying each other shopping, when I was there my male cousin even joined me, until I sent him away to the men's section.

I thought to ask if he had any errands he needed to run, and it was just one. Some adapter for audio, I stayed in the car checking and responding to email. We each had one errand to go and agreed to to check out the ocean after.

I picked out some juices and we continued to listen to the stack of cd's, Loteria Beats that I had turned him onto and his Blues Motel that I loved instantly because they reminded me of the Rolling Stones in Spanish.

We made it to the ocean, the water was choppy too windy to stay out side. So we had to take it in from the car. I continued to return emails as they came through and he returned calls he had missed. When we had recharged a bit in the sun we made our way back.

I had to pack for my trip and he was meeting friends for a show at Cafe Du Nord. Did I want to go? He asked, and I promptly replied no. We traded cd's his Manicato for my Loteria Beats...

El Presente

Con el mundo
como va se nos acaba todo ay yaya ya yayy
la tempestad y la calma casi son la misma cosa
ay yaya ya yaay Julieta Venegas

Tacos de Papa

Since Thursday evening when I ate late night Mexican food with the Tico after the Manicato show, I have been craving a taco de papa.

I didn't have any plans to celebrate the the battle of Puebla, but as the day went on, I had a nagging craving. I looked in the pantry and fridge to see if I could satisfy my craving.

I found some Peruvian beans that I sorted, rinsed and placed in water to boil. I had just put them on the stove when my Mom called...when I hung up the phone I remembered the frijoles de la olla and the water was almost gone! Ugh, I swear I had already perfected this dish, but not today. I added more water a big no-no and hoped they survived.

In the fridge I found some cilantro, tomatoes, onion and limon, I thought no problem I will make a pico de gallo and add it to a Calvillo cheese quesadilla- perfect.

Fortunately my friend called and I told her, 'I am craving something Mexican!' We walked down the hill without a plan and found the 43 bus waiting for us. We headed to the Marina.

Crossed the street to La Barca and she said uh-oh, this land/water craft was decorated with all the Mexican brands in front of La Barca. As we approached the restaurant people were streaming onto the sidewalk. I looked at her, realizing neither of us really had this in mind.

Walked up to the entrance to have a young door person say it was the exit today. Walked back to the bar entrance to show our id's. I smiled and asked if they were serving food. "Yes are you here for dinner?" Taco de papa craving since Thursday I told him. "Thank you for knowing they are on my menu." They are not really but they always make them for me. He smiled. "Let me walk you over to the hostess." We went back to the current exit past the young door guy and the crowds to the hostesses. Thank you, "You are welcome, nice to see you again."

I whispered to my friend- he's the owner. Our name on the list an opening at the bar, we took in the after work crowd that had already been there for four hours. It was funny to watch, everyone was really nice.

Helped myself to some beer cozies sitting on the counter either for my dad or Burning Man, figured out Cazadores Tequila was underwriting the entire bar promotion and when I turned the bartender was reaching over my head to place a festive necklace on me.

Our table was ready and my friend got her free shot from the bartender when she closed the tab, then because I was still working on my margarita and she had finished hers, the server brought her one also. My friend prefers to say he brought it to her because she was hot- okay, agreed!

We laughed at how unexpectedly fun the night had turned out. Didn't know where to catch the bus back, realizing we have only taken it in one direction hailed a cab easily...happy, full and giddy.

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Urban Legend

When I first moved to the city and worked in the Mission, I started to hear about the Tamale Lady.

A colleague and member of The Extra Action Marching Band played me the song they had written for her.

Over the years I would ask what kind of tamales, thinking the non latinos probably didn't know the difference between the Mexican corn husked goodness and some of the other varieties.

I had never seen the Tamale Lady or one of her tamales. I had almost forgotten she existed.

Last night my friend and I were at Casanova, not wanting to head to Dub Mission too early. Over our four-dollar drinks the entertainment began.

Met some local surfers that asked if we were local. Then started in on how not local the girls next to us were. Only because they had been rude did the conversation come up that they were bridge and tunnel. The guys said- Danville, who lives in Danville? Right? I totally agreed.

Everyone was having a good time, it was obvious the levels of sobriety varied, but we had just started our night.

Then I heard some one talking about tamales. I turned to see a woman walking away. I asked the guy standing near me is that The Tamale Lady?! Yeah, get her for me please!

I turned in my bar stool and said hi! English then Spanish I asked her are you the famous Tamale Lady? Si, I told her how long I had been wanting to meet her, did she have veggie tamales? I settles on rajas con queso. She asked if I wanted some salsa and I said only if it was not spicy- then she said here you better just eat it with out.

It was cool to meet her and the tamal was delicious. My friend said, I didn't know I liked tamales. The guys next to me asked me how my drunk tamal was, I looked at him puzzled and he explained she is the patron saint of the Mission drunks.

At Dub, I ran into my neighbor and told him about my tamal experience. He said he has had them at Zeitgeist after a day of drinking. I told him I had never seen her and thought the gringos wouldn't really know a good tamal if they had one. He is from Michoacan, and he said no- they really are good. Agreed, yum...

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Weekend ChaCha

Week six of the fitness plan and down six pounds. So far soo good and feeling strong. Welcome the needed energy as life has been an equal frenzy of; work, socializing, fitness, and networking.

Celebrated May day in the Mission with new and familiar friends enjoying the sounds of Manicato. Being at their show reminds me of Ozomatli ten years ago playing the local East LA Chicano circuit. Definitely think Manicato is a band to watch.

To transition from work to social mode, I have been taking my sweet time to get ready. Makes me laugh when I realize I channel my inner ChaCha with big hair, makeup, and just the right outfit. Danced the entire night away with a Tico that could lead, if I hadn't already worked out I would have welcomed the two hours of dancing. The next day my toes hurt and I slept in.

Started the weekend with dirty martinis and late night dinner. A good time networking with a new media network that I really respect. A more formal office meeting to follow, but enjoyed the informal introduction my friend coordinated at my favorite local eatery Alembic.

Next morning was a full Saturday with the most amazing urban educators at the last pedagogical seminar of the semester. From that came requests for a radio interview when I am in so cal this week, a conference presentations in the fall, and thoughts of following through with the fellowship application which would make me bi-costal for the next year.

The evening was a night out with my international friends, the night kept going and I landed in a heated discussion about Penelope Cruz fame, it was funny but I assured them that she was famous long before she dated the other Cruise...either way car doors were opened, drinks purchased, chivalrous group that managed to keep me out for yet another late night.

When the alarm went off for brunch I figured I could quickly rush to get ready then enjoy my coffee, knowing my Peruvian amigas are about as timely as I am. Needless to say they had not stayed out as late as me the night before. We caught up over mimosas and came back to my place for a cafecito.

Call came through and heading out to hear some dub...

Vida Hidro Calida

La Calixtina

Pura gente bonita! En el rancho de Los tios Lupita y Tacho

El rancho La Calixtina, Calvillo, Aguascalientes
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Full Circle

We have roots like memories that run deep though the land

Connecting guayaba trees the fragrant fruit that my mom would place in the kitchen window on a warm summer day

The breeze would fill the house with a smell pungent and sweet until she would put it back in the freezer til the next time

I would not know- what it meant to crave the smell of earth the scent of ripe sweet guayaba, hold dear something that had made the trip from the interior of the republic to our home- not until later

In the meantime I made faces at the lentils they ate with sliced banana
the white cheese with quince
Bolillo toasted on the comal with butter and dipped into thick chocolate
the Chocos at the corner and fresh squeezed orange juice I began to crave

Not understand truly all the stories I heard the tall tales that seemed larger than life magical realism, the western notion to explain enchantment

my western mind seeping into my families collective memory but there are places still a place called home that stands to show me, life really was that way

What was lost to me on the visits back when I was younger is keeping me from sleeping tonight, I can't wait to take it all in

The older I get the more I understand the Mexico that my family came from, has a name, a people, a face

It is like going to the old country in a state that never went away or got lost in time, finding my way back, with three generations still alive and connected that began as far back as the Great Great Grandparents on my Mothers side

Going to Aguascalientes to join my Abuelita and my Mami

I will be Lore the great granddaughter of Dolores y Luis, Lore the granddaughter of Amparo y Jesus, the daughter of Laurita, the goddaughter of Chachita...

Take it all in and hopefully return one day with a daughter of my own

The D.E.Y.

Feria de San Marcos

Ni puedo creer que el viernes me voy a Aguascalientes! Hoy desperte con ganas de escuchar esta cancion, Pelea de Gallo...

A la féria de San Marcos, del merito Aguascalientes
Van llegando los valientes con su gallo copetón.
Y lo traen bajo del brazo al sonar de la partida
Pa' jugarse hasta la vida con la fé de un espolón.

Linda la pelea de gallos con su público bravero
Con sus chorros de dinero y los gritos del gritón.
Regosándonos el gusto no se sienten ni las horas
Con tequila y cantadoras que son puro corazón.

Ay! Fiesta bonita!
Y hasta el alma grita con todas sus fuerzas:
"VIVA AGUAS CALIENTES SU..!!"
<"QUE VIVA!!">
Que su féria es un primor.

Ya comienza la pelea, las apuestas ya casadas
Las navajas amarradas centellando bajo del sol.
Cuando sueltan a los gallos temblorosos de coraje
No hay ninguno que se raje para darse una agarrón.

Con sus plumas relucientes y aventando picotazos
Quieren hacerse pedazos, pués traen ganas de pelear
Y en el choque cae el giro sobre el suelo ensangrentado
Ha ganado el colorado que se pone ya a cantar.

Ay! Fiesta bonita!...

Love

In Training

Since I left LA I have only dabbled in fitness. A year exploring my state of the art fitness center free with university tuition, moving studios from one kind of yoga, to another. I must say of all the fitness endeavors I have taken none have been better than walking the three miles to the ocean or into Golden Gate park from my home.

Sunday my Argentino and I made our way into Golden Gate park. He says, once I get my bike we will ride through the city. I am certain he means it in the casual Mission hipster sort of way, and hopefully not some heavy duty cycling. Agreed, a ride to the ocean would be the first outing once my Schwinn is up from LA.

We were meeting his friends at the Chilean festival. I told him we had to walk for an hour. He laughed, why? "Because I am on a fitness plan. Remember I told you about the personal trainer?" What do you have to loose? "Pounds, querido, pounds, my mom said!" He smiled. I thought wow, he really is perfect.

Truth is I am on week three of the 12 week training commitment, already lost 3 lbs which does not feel like much but have been exercising 3 hours a week which is more than I have all year.

On Sunday when the sun was out and the call came through to head to the festival I asked him, how long I had to get ready. He said it is the park, wear boots and jeans something for the campo. I laughed, "I think I have to wear flats." Don't you have flat boots, he asked, then I realized in Spanish we were likely talking about two different types of shoes.

He got to the door and said, you are not going to be cold in that top? And you can walk in those shoes? "Ugh, casual is difficult," I told him. "Wait in the living room." Found my favorite new pair of navy blue flats, gold tank under my navy puma zip up, and a pair of jeans I had not worn since summer. I could fold them under to just the right length. I couldn't believe my body was already responding to the nutrition and fitness kick. Changed bags into my inherited LV bag and placed my new Dita sunglasses on my head.

"Okay, lets go," he smiled again.

At the festival he spotted some friends, see how they show up and you were worried about what you wore. "I would never show up in sweats," I tell him. Greeted his friends and one of them said, que guapa. Gracias ;)

CURRENT: Virgin

I never tire of giving thanks to my Virgencita of Guadalupe. It has been a beautiful week full of love, hopes, and dreams...

If you haven't already tuned into CURRENT, what are you waiting for?

The Unspoken

When he asked me out, I did not know what time I would be done writing. No problem, just text me when you do. It was 9pm before I got up from my desk. He called back, when, do you think you will be ready? "In 30 minutes," he laughed, call me when you are ready.

It was 90 minutes before I called him back. Ready he asked? "Yes." With Latino men, you rarely have to explain the amount of time it takes you to get ready. They know the wait is worth it. Que linda, he said when he saw me. A bachata song came over the radio. Do you know how to dance bachata, he asked. "Do you?" Yes. "Then I do to, I just have to follow right?" Si, he said with a smile.

He wanted us to go meet his friends, so I agreed. The first table of names, I would not remember, although I tried to remember some of the women's names. I couldn't make out the Spanish accents either. As we walked away one of the men said 'caio flaca.' I smiled, it was a term of endearment strangers do not usually use with each other.

I asked, "were they Argentinos?" No, Chilenos. "Oh, they sound like Argentinos." Yes, a little. Another round of handshakes, and what did I want to drink one of his friends asked? Piña con vodka, someone said 'Piña para la niña.' I could tell this was going to be quite the night.

We were at Delirium listening to the punk rock standards. I sat down, not wanting to mess up my flouncy top. I could just imagine the chiffon ripping on some sweaty mosher. For the record, I had not dressed for this bar.

In English someone asked me do you want to see? Handed me a small black leather-bound book. I smiled and opened the pages. "Oh, did you draw these?" Some, would you like to draw something? "I don't draw, just write bad poetry." That's fine.

My drink arrived, was I okay? Yes, just going to write some bad poetry on demand, we laughed.

I wrote and thought about keeping the shiny silver pen, didn't of course. The music had changed and I wiggled in my seat a bit I guess because one then another guy had asked if I wanted to dance? "No, thank you, really."

Stood up and placed my purse on the table. Another introduction, this time to an artist. Is that your purse he asked? "Yes." He said why don't you set it over here by my friends. "Not sure how long I am staying thanks." My guy said let's go meet his friends. So we did, and finally free of my purse, I focused on my still full drink. I remembered my last night of drinking there. The morning after was painful.

Held my drink out and said it is too strong help me. Made a note to switch to water. It was loud and they discussed Pink or Elbow Room. So, we made our way over to the Elbow Room, but the Brazilian Band was not playing that night.

We sat at the bar, and someone was buying a round but I ordered water. It was a group and I quickly took up with the banker by day and musician by night. Asked what I did, told me both of his parents were professors. So the conversation kept going. I looked up and saw my guy wink and smile.

I said, "it was nice talking with you," and excused myself. They were discussing what to do since the Brazilians were not playing. In a rare public display of affection my guy pulled me in close. I noticed it was timed precisely as the guy I had been talking to made his way over.

The artist invited us to his nearby loft. Inside I found a peacock feather and arranged it in my hair, it complimented my outfit perfectly. We looked at high fashion photography books and I drank Jamison on the rocks. My guy played the guitar, it was nice. I fixed my hair into a knot and rearranged the feather. The artist said let me adjust it. My guy walked over and said, I will do it. He did a perfect job.

The small group was predominantly international and Spanish speaking. The artist was learning Spanish and the language lesson when we returned from adjusting my hair was on not touching. Explaining how one would say do not touch, do not touch her...it was doble sentido at its best.

My guy asked the artist if the piece hanging on the wall was his? No, did I want to see his work? Yes, it was just a few feet away from where we sat and my guy kept on with the guitar.

A few feet away, we looked through his stills, and sketches. He asked me if I had a boyfriend? "No," and I kept looking at the artwork. Started to comment on how nice it was to meet me..."Oh, I am sorry, I don't have a boyfriend but I am here with someone."

He fumbled over his words, noticed I had been talking to many people that night. "Yes, fortunately we are both really social. We have been through this before, if we are out together we are not exchanging information with others." We can be friends though, he continued.

"You are his acquaintance, he said you were a great artist. Invite him to something and ask him to bring me. I have to respect the boundaries we have set, have no desire or reason not to." He said, it makes sense, the two of you, he is lucky. "It is mutual."

I spotted the vintage wallpaper on the shelf and then we made some art. First he asked, when they were teaching me how to say not to touch, they were talking to me about you, right? Maybe, his friends took it up with you, not us...

Muse

My first piece of art created. Mission District, San Francisco, California 2008.
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Ahora

The Tahoe weekend away was perfect for thinking about the month ahead. Unbelievable the end of March has arrived.

Mental list transfered to agenda and electronic calendars last night. Deadlines and wrting schedules set.

Will be buzzing through the month to make it to the Feria de San Marcos con mi familia linda. Al diablo con los feos, me voy a Agauscalientes el corazoncito de la republica, "Agua limpia, gente buena, tierra buena!"

Tahoe Summit

I admit the snow and I are still learning to get along....

My friends believe I should have a reality show. This snow hike was quite the adventure for me.

At least my Itallian friend said I looked smaaashing! Fashion counts, even in the great outdoors ;)
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Renew

Easter 2008
Con las Familias Zermeño, Roque y Salazar

Spring is in the air...

It has arrived with all of its glorious sunny skies...and my mood matches perfectly.

Ended winter with new favorites and experiences. I love my life-style.

Headed to the Rogue Ales Public House and discovered a beer I can say I like- Hazelnut Brown Ale was surprisingly yummy. My friends from NYC are well versed in the art of fine beer.

Later that night after a heated dinner debate over religion; Atheist, Catholics, Santeros all represented we said our piece and made our peace all over sake. We continued the night at my favorite Dub club. NYC has nothing like it they say and my Puerto Rican dance partner and I soaked up the good vibes and danced the night away...

Sadly wished my friends bon voyage and promised to make it to NYC one more time before they relocate to Europe. Then I will just have to visit them in Europe.

Read, wrote, went into the office and got ready for my trip to LA. Finally bought the memory card for the lovely camera my friend gave me this winter.

Caught up with my favorite Argentinean musico and made our way to an artists house for a vernal equinox party, or at least that is what I am calling it :) Made plans for a Puerto Rican, Argentinean, Mexican dinner party- I pledged the tequila because their culinary skills far out shine mine.

Heading South for Easter and looking forward to a lovely Easter Party at my Tio's house. Project Martinez, Martinez continues with an April trip to Aguascalientes in the midst!

Love, Love

My friends are in love, and I am gladly basking in their light!

Headed to the food co-op with my friend from NYC. We decided on the following menu:

Goat Cheese
Sheep Cheese
Assorted Olives
Grape tomatoes
Baguette

Green Salad
Roasted Asparagus with olive oil and sea salt

Penne alla puttanesca (with and without anchovies)

Sparkling lemon and grapefruit soda

We already had wine and beer

Another friend had agreed to make a dessert, and she delivered with a fluffy lemon cake with fresh fruit filling and buttercream frosting- delicious.

They brought me hostess gifts too! Two bunches of beautiful flowers, one from my friends new boyfriend (we like him ;) and lots of wine.

It was a lively dinner with a mixed group of global citizens. After dinner the group split in two, I went to Pink to see the house maestro himself LLV from NYC! It was a good night.

Saturday

The view from the university is particularly stunning today.

Spending the day facilitating workshops towards educational reform.

Later I am hosting a dinner party in honor of my friends visiting from NYC.

Last night we enjoyed handcrafted beers and sustainable edibles before walking home...
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Have Felt

Like this...

"Bay Poem from Berkeley"
by, Sandra Cisneros

Mornings I still
reach for you before
opening my eyes.

An antique habit from
last summer when we pulled
each other into the heat of groin
and belly, slept with an arm
around the other.

The Texas sun was like that.
Like a body asleep beside you.

But when I open my eyes
to the flannel and down,
mist at the window and blue
light from the bay, I remember
where I am.

This weight
on the other side of the bed
is only books, not you. What
I said I loved more than you.
True.

Though these mornings
I wish books loved back.

Daylight

Three o'clock in the morning
It's quiet and there's no one around
Just the bang and the clatter
As an angel runs to ground- U2


We were cautiously navigating down the hill trying to piece together the story from last night between fits of laughter.

How did we get home? The limo or the mercedes? A taxi I think. Wait we took a limo? When we walked out of Harlot. How did we get to the afterhours? We didn't go in we were home by 3.

Look! I pointed at the wings on the floor there is an angel in town. Oh, they are beautiful- there is actually only one wing. I want to take a picture. I need soup- can you take it later?

Oww, why does my knee and my hip hurt? I think I fell. Yes, you did I saw you. I only remember sitting on the floor because my heels were too high. We were siting in front of a church right? Maybe but remember when we we got out of the limo because I wanted to sit on the sidewalk. The guy freaked out that I wanted to sit on the floor. He wouldn't leave til I got up.

Oh, can we walk in the shade. I want to walk in the sun. Ugh, I can't believe we have to get to brunch like this. I hope the soup fixes us. Trust me, it works. Where are your sunglasses?

We were the first ones inside. Got to see them leave the offering for their Buddha, tea and a bowl of food. We drank lots of water. Did you bring your phone? No, did you bring yours? No and I don't know what time it is. Wait did they change the time?!

The soup helped. We walked past a store with playa gear in the window. Lets go in! We don't have time. I need sunglasses, I want to get back to the wings before someone takes them home. Once inside I saw a pink furry hat with little ears- oh, I want that for burning man. The shop owner overheard and asked me if I had a good experience? Yes, it was great and I am going back. We have it in different colors. I like pink, I really liked all of the art and everyone I met, I spoke as I tried on the hat- oh it is perfect!

We had his undivided patience and attention and we laughed when he asked were you two out til six in the morning? Nooo, but we just had soup and we feel so much better than when we woke up. You two are going to have a beautiful day. We are trying to make it to our friends birthday brunch but we started celebrating last night so we think she will understand. You will get there and have a great time, you have made my day.

The angel wing was still there. Later after brunch the wing had moved into the branches of a nearby tree...

Cositas y Cuentitos

What a week, of new and renewed experiences...

Walking back from the university I stopped and picked up some produce at the local market. As I was walking a street kid asked me for cash. I don't usually give cash unless they are elders. I shook my head and said, 'sorry.' He wished me a good night, so I stopped and said, 'would you like some food? Its organic.' Immediately I thought what a silly thing to say. He said, "yes- even better," and with a smirk I handed him some fruit. "Blessed be, lady," he called after I had walked away.

Halfway to Burning Man 2008! Started the buzz and it seems we are heading back to the BRC Playa.

Heard from my good friend whose family relocated to Portland. She landed a university job merging her love of yoga and her graduate studies in psychology. She said that next year she wanted me to be her guest at a yoga intensive in Quintana Roo. I promised to make it up to visit with her and her almost one year old son before then.

Spring is in the air, and heard a new line from a guy as I walked up to university. "If I followed you home would you keep me?" blushed and did laugh and look but only because he was cute.

I mark time with solstices and equinoxes, and Spring is almost here. Decided to try my hand at the Japanese eggling I received over Christmas. Hopefully the petunias will bloom.

Celebrated with my grant colleagues funding over sixty fellows seventy thousand dollars for their social justice service learning projects. It has been such a good experience to come full circle setting up systems and reviewing proposals for the in-house grant. Just thirty thousand left to fund, love my job.

Met a friend for dinner and it was magical, the kind of place you always walk by and is never open. I told him I always thought it was some sort of santeria boutique. It was the perfect night for the secret little world of Radio Habana Social Club to open for us. We drank our goblet of Sangria and although we thought to share a plate they insisted on bringing us two and charging us only for one :)

Para Ti

Te extraño
Cuando la aurora comienza a dar colores
Con tus virtudes, con todos tus errores
Por lo que quieras no sé, pero te extraño- Luis Miguel

Desperté pensando en ti
el sol brillaba
casi en jesto
de mi oscuridad

El mar llamaba
y en cada esquina
de mis pensamientos
te encontraba a ti

Dulce tristeza
lo que compartimos
los caminos que tomamos
y aun vives en mi

Te encuentro en la música
calles que recorrimos
la naturaleza
las realidades que construimos

Existes solamente
en mis recuerdos
ni te conoces
ni me conoces

Pase el día
pensando en
cuanto
te extraño

City Living

Sunny weekend in the city and life is good...

Took the 33 into the Mission for a Bhangra dance class. In the Capoera studio the dance floor was packed the dohl drum kept the beat and we laughed and glistened in the rising second story studio heat.

Found out about more Foucault across the disciplines resources at nearby universities.

Walked down the hill to the corner bar for dark n' stormy's before hopping on the 71 downtown and hailing a cab up to China town for drinks with friends. Walked down to North Beach for dinner at Steps of Rome Trattoria. Heard stories of Tunisian beaches enjoyed complimentary desert.

Made it to Amoeba and found the Jamaican Recordings: Dub Sampler and KCRW's own Raul Campos: Loteria Beats Mixtape. Inspiration to keep me company as I wrote, still moving the pieces of the dissertation forward.

Walked over to Coffee to the People, to meet my fellow Chicana and read her dissertation chapter 4!

Then toasted to mimosas at the Gold Cane, shopped and caught up on conferences, proposal deadlines and of course- men. Settled into Alembic for some snacks and light and refreshing vodka gimlets...

Tuned in to BigUp Radio for more musica and writing.

Nader & Gonzalez

A dream team if I ever heard of one...

Ralph Nader chooses former San Francisco Supervisor Matt Gonzalez as his running mate for this year's presidential election.

For more read The San Francisco Chronicle and a commentary by fellow blogger.

Global

In just eighteen hours...

Reuniting with some friends from the Sierra Nevada World Music Festival, made our way down to the Bill Graham Civic Center Auditorium. Every concert there I have had a great time, first Bob Dylan, then Manu Chao, this weekends Ragga Muffins Festival did not disappoint.

We didn't have tickets and were only showing up for the last three acts, to catch up with the out of towners. The box office still had tickets, but I told my friend lets check the list.

So I walked up to the guy behind the will call table and said hi, "do you have any tickets that maybe did not get used and you would like to give away?" smiled. He said he had one ticket was I there alone? "No, my friend is at the box office window, called to her and she waved (by the way she is rockin the luscious brown locks ;) but there is only a few acts left and we don't know if it is worth it to pay the full price?"

He said, he had one ticket, I waved my friend over, he pushed the ticket towards me on the table. "Thank you! Certain we squealed and would have hugged him if he wanted." Back at the box office we got the other ticket. My friend asked, how did you do that? "I just asked."

It took a minute but we found our party the first band we saw was Midnight from St. Croix, pretty mellow for my taste.

Anthony B. from Jamaica though, brought the energy of dancehall to the stage and it spread throughout the auditorium. Made friends with the group standing next to us. It seems the drinks just kept coming, beer, cran and vodka, sprite and vodka, it was warm and the air smelled sweet.

Between acts the guest djs spun some crowd favorites then I started to hear Yee-haw. I was really confused. Why are they saying yee-haw? My friend said the next act was known for saying it, Eeka-A-Mouse from Jamaica. Still confused by the yee-haw my other friend explained Eek-A-Mouse also says meow, get it like a cat? I tried not to stare blankly back at him and we laughed.

Handy cackberry searched out options for festival after parties, reggae gold at the End-up? Not scheduled this weekend, they had already been to Club Six, then we came up with the intimate Senegalese spot, Little Baobab.

I think we hailed a Taxi pretty quickly then made our way to the Paris-Dakar International night. Everyone had a great time in the shoe box sized venue, dancing and drinking to french hip hop, music from various parts of the African Continent, when I heard the familiar sounds of Orixa, streaming out of the speakers I finally understood every single word...Everyone was from somewhere, global and friendly as they danced in very cramped quarters.

Everyone likes to keep a good night going, so we weighed our options with the blended group that poured out of the Beauty Bar and Little Baobab on the corner of Mission and 19th. The events change depending on the weekend of the month so we stood outside at two am, discussing options for afterhours and undergrounds and after parties at the Phoenix Hotel...Yee-haw!

St. Jude

Patron of hopeless causes...miracle granted.

Today my tios Johnny and Ralph became naturalized United States citizens. A story that began in 1957, when the practice at the border was to just rip the Mexican baby's papers into pieces because there father was a U.S. born Mexican and that was just the way they handled naturalization at the time.

So my mom and her eight siblings a combination of U.S. and Mexico born, travelled easily between the two countries in their childhood. At the time it was also common practice to lend or share names and social security numbers, this is one of the stories my parents shared with me when I was home last week.

Then slowly almost one by one since the amnesty of the 1980's their naturalization was questioned.

One by one or pairs like today they took up their cases.

Today was a long shot for various reasons. We all approached it differently, my grandma was going with them to the hearing, I lit my virgen of Guadalupe velita, and my mom said she prayed to the saint my prima had told her about, St. Jude.

1950-2008 the time it took my mothers family to complete the work my grandfather Jesus had started.

Lip-gloss Confidential

Spent the week helping my dad care for my mamacita or at least entertaining her. We made good progress on the Caramelo novel we are reading by Sandra Cisneros, caught up with her favorite telenovela Pasion, and laughed at family stories that I couldn't believe I had not heard.

It was nice to see her regaining her strength as the week went on. The calls, cards, and visits from those that hold her dear lift her spirits greatly. Before my dad drove me to the flyaway yesterday, she was already up; heater on, canela boiling and french toast made when I rolled out of bed at 6am. It was cold outside and waking up to her warmth was perfect.

I am not very domestic but I tried. They thought some off my approaches silly but appreciated them nonetheless. One morning I drove to my favorite strip mall on Plummer, picked up fresh alternative bagels from Western Bagel and lox cream cheese for my dad, then perused the isles of Gelson's for some sugar free and organic goodness to bring home. Decided another day to redo her bedroom, picked up high thread count sheets, comforter set, some pretty bedroom rugs, rearranged the fresh flower arrangements and she loved it!

***

Back in the city had two meetings and a friends birthday dinner I coordinated at the month old foodie Haven EPIC Roasthouse. Crackberry in hand I had a successful and productive first day back.

I always thought the friends I made from grammar school, high school, college and sorority would last me a lifetime. If that were the case then I would be down two; the former friend that took it upon herself to speak with some sort of authority about my extended family, oh that was a bad move and as forgettable as her brother that took up with my sister. The second LA friend that has seem to become a distant memory was probably collateral damage from my disclosing her boyfriends indiscretions. Either way, I saw one in the distance after Sunday mass as my dad and I chatted outside with old parish friends and the other I heard is engaged.

At the end of the day, I am the friend I want to have. The women I have met in my adult life have morphed into my new peers. Funny, witty, attractive, kind, and somehow I think I got really lucky to meet them here in this new place, when I thought I had already made the friends I would grow old with.

I think we are as young as Sex in the City but definitely as mature as the Lipstick Jungle. Here you go boys, a look inside girls night...as of last night one is happily cohabitating with her boyfriend, one is still with her boyfriend, one is dating only one person because that is what she has time for, and the other is definitely off the market for a minute :)

Cupid Playlist

***

i woke up craving earth
tierra mas bien
not just dirt or dust
but rich soil

Mexico soil
that made perfect
rows of cakes
that we lined up to bake in the sun

i liked to play in the dirt
the dirt did not like me
instead i grew scaly itchy
patches of irritated skin

i was maybe five
but i remember
even then i craved earth
the cool soil moist between my fingers

in my dress i played in the yard
got stung by a rose bush once
grew new skin
when i gave up dirt games

today i crave it
miss it
must have dreamt
i was little again

then i knew only
the Rosarito sand
the Baja colonia dirt
the Aguascalientes, Calvillo, Malpaso soil

today i know Mexico as
pyramids and anicient ruins
white sands from Colima to Quintana Roo
dusty cobblestones of San Miguel de Allende...

i found as beautiful
Greek and Roman architecture
sand along the Mediterranean sea
sun baked cobblestones of Spain

have slept under venerable trees in Sant Cruz
mixed dirt with sweat in the Sierra Nevadas
danced in Black Rock city dust storms
slept on sand under the watchful eye of the moon

past, present mixed together
memories like elements
fire, wind, water, soil
today I woke up whole

Snow Lovely

When I first moved to San Francisco, I couldn't imagine why people wanted to spend the winter commuting up to Tahoe. Drive in traffic to the snow? This debate was at the center of many winter relationships, he loved the snow/snowboarding and his friends did too, so why was I so reluctant to leave the city?

I just couldn't get enough of San Francisco, I was in my own wonderland. Yet I have taken at least one trip a year to the snow since leaving LA. It is always fun once I am out here in the company of friends. Finally after a few years of dealing with the cold I made my way to the Sports Basement for a winter sample sale and scored on some really cute snow gear by Bonfire. Once warm, I could focus on enjoying the snow. I think having the right gear in the elements is essential to enjoyment.

One winter I signed up to take a snow boarding class at Northstar. I would have been just as happy sitting around the fire pit at Squa but my friends convinced me. So I convinced them a shot of tequila before would increase our courage. Totally suspended my vertigo temporarily. My snowboarding didn't really improve but we found the tequila and instructor from Chile really inspiring.

It seems every year I am getting to the snow more and more. My friend has a cozy cabin up here and the wireless makes it easy to work remotely. Sometimes I just stay in and work, the view is amazing. I did not grow up with snowsports but I am learning to appreciate the peaceful beauty and pace of mountain living.

This trip was just to slow down. Just what I needed, a cozy fire and hot tub in the snow. Made my way into town, thanks to the hospitality of a friendly local, and discovered some places I really enjoyed. I could see why this winter wonderland could be habit forming...

Cottonwood
Pianeta Ristorante
Squeeze In

Love and Thanks

I am truly humbled by the beauty of strangers, friends, and family that lent their strength and prayers for my pretty mami. She is home recovering now and the phone calls, visits, and good wishes continue. Her mom is there cooking up a storm, at 80 my abuelita has displayed a quiet faith and strength, she is inspiring. Her doting husband is still amazing and in love. My parents just celebrated their 36th wedding anniversary.

The rosaries and misas that have been said in her name from Aguascalientes, through Mexico and baja are very appreciated. The powerful Christian prayer angeles, the pastors and ministers that lead their congregations in prayer, made a difference. The calls upon and alms offered in my mothers name for prayers in Malasia, from Buddhist priests, from the elders, and the stone people, gracias. For those that included her in their daily prayers and positive thoughts, thank you.

The last few weeks I felt fueled by a super human adreniline. I dreamt someone blew a great gust of air my way, I can only imagine it was my great-grandmothers Dolores and Esperanza, my great-tia Aurora, smiling down upon me. I needed all of that and more. When, I felt low friends and family lent strength to. Finaly the pace has slowed and although I feel a little tired very happy that my mom is home and resting. I am settling back to life in the city. In a few days heading to Tahoe to enjoy the beauty of nature and simple snow...I am in awe, inspired, and in love with the kindness of others.

Gracias a mi virgencita de Guadalupe por no desamparar me.

Pretty Mami

Since Monday when I arrived from San Francisco any time my mom was napping I stood over her and said pretty mami, time to wake up. She would laugh and I said that was how I was going to communicate with her from deep in her drug induced haze.

At 4am when I woke up to drive her and my dad to the surgery I left my pretty mami a message in eyeliner on the bathroom mirror. When I was growing up since she would leave to work while we were still sleeping she would leave us these same notes or even kisses.

On her way into surgery my abuelita, my dad, me, my madrina, two tios, tia and primito all cheered her on. She was strong and I reminded my pretty mami to stay away from the light. She said she would, in exchange for seeing my pretty face.

The wait seemed interminable. We had lunch on the hospital patio, told stories, jokes, talked to family, I knew she was in good hands, I just wanted to see her pretty face.

And finally after five hours of surgery the surgeon confirmed, everything had gone well. I asked if he had seen anything, and he said no, nothing abnormal. The tumor had remained encased inside the removed kidney. Tears of relief and joy followed, then a text and phone tree.

It was late, and although we had been told otherwise we were allowed to see her in the surgery recovery room. First my dad and abuelita went. Then the tio and madrina. I went in with my sister. We had been told not to wake her.

We approached her quietly. Just starred at her for what felt like all of our allotted five minutes. The nurse said we could talk to her, but I just smiled not believing him. Then another nurse approached us and said we could hug and kiss her. I leaned over her and whispered pretty mami.

Pretty mami turned her face towards me and said as she opened her eyes, "I don' feel so pretty." I laughed and said, but you are beautiful. I stepped back and said look mami there are two pretty faces, she said we were beautiful.

Then she asked, "where's Janice?" I laughed oh mom, you want us to sing some Janice Joplin? Which song? And from her drug induced haze she sang, "Oh lord won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz," and I continued my friends all have Porches I must make amends...I told her to enjoy the drugs, Janice would and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

She could see the two of us and my dad standing in the near distance and she said my family is beautiful.

Bonitas

I decided we should have a dirty kidney going away party. So we listened to mariachi at Las Hadas and counted our blessings...
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Inner Circle Friends

Over lunch in Hayes Valley I shared with my friend the fury I had felt the last 12 hours. Given the circumstances she said it was normal.

She is the kind of person I have chosen to surround myself with, a survivor. I expressed to her what I had learned from a chaplain a few years before.

When someone is ill or terminal lending your strength is most appreciated. If you come to the infirm seeking something from them then you are depleting their much needed strength. The point is to lend them strength, resolve your own emotionality so you are not making them responsible for making you feel better.

I learned that sometimes quiet presence and maintaining a sense of normalcy is enough. These are all answers I sought in the year my padrino was ill.

My friend said that was a healthy take. When she has been in my situation she said there are clearly two types of people. Those that step up genuinely and those that are seeking you to comfort them. She said of the second group it is your right not to console them or give them your strength that you are channeling towards helping your mom have healing thoughts.

It was raining and we walked over to get some tea, I realized I really did have a good support system in San Francisco.

And in Los Angeles there was the best friend from ninth grade that offered me support and perspective from being a married man in love. The lifetime neighbor that called to share my positive outlook, left her mobile number as she would be out of town for a few days, and anything we needed do not hesitate to ask. A group of men that would offer prayers and a sweat for my mom.

Later in the day another survivor friend called to see what my evening looked like. Still at the office I mentioned I had to use up some of my groceries since I would be leaving town soon. And there was a lovely bottle of tequila my good friend had given me for my birthday.

Over soy tacos, and quinoa we made fancy margarita's with agave nectar and grand marnier. Then after sharing what my week had been like my two friends insisted on reading my bad poetry. It is funny because they never knew me in the creative capacity of open mic. After my reading they agreed they never wanted me to write a poem about them :)

Fury

I despise you
More each day
You are a self centered beast

You were shown mercy
Others reached out to you
Yet you remain despicably mute

Lo corriente se te pego
He led you to inertia
You are unrecognizable

If we were two perfect halves
Then you have rotted
And left your stench behind

You gave everything up
Neglected your dreams
Your degrees
Your dignity

Those that cared for and kept you
Traded all that was good
For something so worthless

So unremarkable
So unmotivated
So uneducated
A wild boar would be better

And now you cry
Two years later
Act like you need a map back

Forgot the womb that bore you
The umbilacle that sustained you
The hands that worked to nurture, clothe and feed you

If the body were a metaphor
you would be the needed nephrectomy

Dreams

I have been the majority of this month in LA. My dad says I am a brujita, I call it intuition. Before I went to the specialist with my mom and dad, I started to talk to her about a good name for the future perfect grandchild I would one day give her.

She laughs when I tell her I will have one perfect brown daughter. She reminds me the green eyes and gueritos that run in her family, could emerge from me. So I said then I would adopt from the orphanage in Aguascalientes, they have brown orphans there right? She said yes, she thought so.

We were driving to lunch on Ventura Blvd. After visiting the specialist. I took up the topic again. We settled on Laura Amparo for a girl and Ricardo Jesus for a boy. Unless I had twins I would adopt a second child from the orphanage.

I asked her the night before how she felt. She felt good she wasn't in any physical discomfort. That morning on our way to see the urological oncologist I asked again how she felt. Still she felt good. I reminded her no matter what they said she felt good, we had to stay strong and take this on aggressively. Agreed.

The specialist explained the cell mass, renal cell carcinoma. On 3D ct scan I saw the dirty kidney. Unlike typical cases this tumor sat dead center. Occupying and growing into the interior of the kidney. For this reason it was not possible to extract the almost 5cm cell mass.

The laproscopy minimally invasive surgeon had an opening, the 31st of this month. We took the appointment.

Los Warriors

My mom and me drove along the 210 early this morning. On the open road I was pushing 90 and we were singing loudly to her Janice Joplin cd.

I mentioned all that was missing for our road trip was cheeto's and coke. She laughed and said we would then arrive with orange fingers! So I suggested we could make that the airport trip treat. When I was growing up a road trip with her included, Janice, coke and cheeto's.

We took the Mountain exit and waved to my padrino as we passed him. Stopped for flowers and wrapping paper before picking up my madrina.

Back on the road we listened to Sinatra and noticed the formerly charred hillside was in full bloom. My madrina commented on how the naturaleza renewed itself.

We drove through the canyon and were greeted at the door. The view from my tios house was further than the eye could take in. My younger cousin showed me an old vhs he had of a christmas in the Buena Vista that took place before he was born.

I told him all about our bisabuelita and how anytime you woke up in her home the kitchen was alive and warm, full of food that she had started preparing for us while we were still sleeping.

The comida was finally ready and the handmade gorditas, nopales, cauliflower, beans, papitas, fruta, queso and tofu made for a loving feast. My tio brought out his books on Aguascalientes, then the tequila. I drank more coffee and read the latest Hola revista. They continued to tell jokes and laugh.

It was a Sunday like no other. We talked about the weeks ahead and counted on their strength. My dad said it best, we have had a beautiful life.

Getty Villa

Spent my day off with my parents. Started with breakfast on the patio of the historic Georgian hotel. I had been there the morning before and the art deco hotel on Ocean Avenue reminded me so much of Miami and South Beach.

We drove down the one and I mentioned I had never been to the Getty Villa. We decided to pull up to the Malibu driveway and although it was reservations only we were offered tickets on the spot.

Once inside we spent three hours enjoying the majestic grounds, on a perfectly sunny day. We reminisced about the ruins we saw first hand in Athens and Rome. Then sat out on the cafe deck amazed at the view still.

After I took this photo, I couldn't remember anything more beautiful than them.

Santa Monica

Lovely time beachside in a jewel of LA. Mixed academia, work, friends and family while enjoying sunny 75 and 85 degree days!

A few of the highlights:
Location, location, location, the hotel Carmel has it. Enjoyed walking to the ocean, dining, drinking, and pretty sunsets all without driving. Not to mention I spent it with some of my favorite people in LA!
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bzzz....

My phone was buzzing and my mom was calling to tell me about the wedding we are invited to in Aguascalientes in February. She thought it would be difficult to attend now and in November for the 50th birthday we have already been invited to. I told her she and my dad should go! She thought I should go since some of my favorite primas would be attending. Agreed to talk about it when I am in town.

A lovely way to start my day. A call from mom and project Martinez Martinez in full effect. Aguascalientes has been on my mind for a while and now I have two invitations to visit.

In a fortunate coincidence I get to take a business trip to West LA. Really fun to go home and play traveler. Staying in Santa Monica and decided to spend the week between there and my parents. It made more sense than taking two full round trips since I have to be in town back to back...

Heart my Geeks

My mom has been known to stop the watch on her wrist. When I used to wear a watch I tired of them losing track of time. I like to think we are composed of something smarter than time.

When I was home for the holidays I told my parents about my super crosscut almost industrial shredder not working. I used it for all my draft documents. One day it decided to only work in reverse. When set in forward motion it provided only a dull hum.

I was not sure what to do with the heavy duty shredder. Thought of calling some handy people I knew or taking it back to the store? Instead I decided to give it rest. When I returned from Los Angeles I called my parents to let them know I had fixed it.

First I ran the shredder in reverse mode then switched it forward and ever since my 15 month old shredder has worked perfectly!

Before leaving to LA my laptop also stopped running. The virus scan was 45 minutes into it with no virus in site when it stopped. I turned it on and it turned off.

So I figured I would just let it rest. Maybe this is all to AI but figured this might be just like a watch. Not the case and after a call assuring the extended warranty was still in effect I took it to the Geek Squad at Best Buy.

The 23rd of December and I had their undivided attention. Left my laptop in their trusty hands and made a call to cash in my mobile phone upgrade.Twenty minutes later I was wireless with a mobile PC.

In Palm Springs with my new Blackberry in hand the Geek Squad called me. Hard drive would be replaced completely under warranty and did I want them to take any data off of it?

Screwdriver in hand in the sun, I tried to take my attention off the palmtrees remembered the order; backup desktop, word files, powerpoints then music library, please and thank you.

Went to pick up the dvd full of data and there it was all the work I had created over the last three years. Funny how things work, the grant allotted me both a desktop and laptop for the duration of my post. The blackberry enabled me to post the final grades for the university course I had taught from Big Bear! Somehow I was wired without a lapse.

Yesterday I got a call from a Geekette, the computer was back but needed some programs and the queue was backed up it would be longer than they thought. So I said possibly could you please ask if they could get it done before my business trip?

One day later my laptop is with me again and all I can say is that this winter, some Geeks saved my life ;)

Punk Rock & Vodka

Muy nice, I know :)

Fuzzy friends star girlfriend had a 26th birthday bash and let me say it was the first time I realized absolutely no one I was with was from the city: Or umm California.

The band, artists, and smattering of fuzzy intellectuals celebrated in the Mission. Of course there were some friends of friends that had little in common with the rest. I had the distinct pleasure of conversing with one...

D- where do you live?
Upper Haight
D-We live in Nob Hill and Pac Heights!
I half smile, by choice?
D-It is really nice, how long have you lived in the city?
Four years, do you find the neighborhood you live in interesting?
D-I guess not really.
I fully smile, me neither.
D-How do you know the star?
Her boyfriend and you?
D-Oh we are friends of a friend.
Right.
D-So what do you do?
Nothing, I am writing my dissertation.
D-Wow! I work for Nintendo.
I laugh, really they are still around?
D-They are the #1 game company.
Sure they are.
D- Wii have you heard of wii?
Wii, you should have said so. Okay, my friend is waving me over think that means he is buying us drinks, see you later.

Birthday girl was drinking captain and coke and I decided to stick to Vodka. Fuzzy friend was running on makers neat. I noticed the drinks didn't seem very strong.

Made it back to see Mr. Nintendo waving his shirt in the air and dancing to punk rock standards. The hosts asked me who he was. A friend of a friend that was invited, we laughed.

I imagined if I was old enough to go out when the Ramones and the Sex Pistols, were around it would have been something like that night.

I got points for having seen the Ramones in concert, a cover of the Cure came on and I mentioned I had seen them too.

Night turned into day and the rain had stopped, fortunately it was grey out because my head was swimming in vodka...For a good girl living in Reseda, turned LA woman, San Francisco is a fitting third chapter...

Amazing 2008

This is going to be a very good year...

If 2007 was about attaining clarity then I have learned the following lessons.

In Academia:
* You will not know how racism feels until you experience it.
* Research needs context because context matters.
* Even when you have done everything asked of you they will deem it not enough, until you argue back and call them racist. Then you will grow wise and realize the point is to get past the moment that they have suspended you in.

In Friendship:
* Some people mature and allow the nature of their friendships to change with them.
* Some friendships you will outgrow.
* Some friendships will end because only you hold their most intimate truths, and they are not ready to face them.

In love:
* I continue to be in awe and amazed by the ease and generosity with which my parents have shared 35 years of love.
* Sometimes the person you are with does not have your best interest at heart. So you have to leave them.
* Acting in a loving way towards others sometimes means you lose, because not everyone appreciates the truth.

In Familia:
* We can only reshape memories and experiences not erase them.
* Project Martinez, Martinez has restored my hope in keeping my great grandparents ways alive for another generation.
* If you cast yourself out it is your responsibility to find your way back. In the meantime we are living the language, the culture, the food, the love we inherited from the last five generations.

Looking forward to sharing another year with my amazing; colleagues, friends, queridos, y familia.

Big Bear Mountain

Twenty-Six members of Familia Martinez Martinez prepare to ring in the New Year...Cuatro generaciones, presente!

Home

After a full day we said goodbye at Union Station...LA is always so good to me.

Plaza Olvera

Following our long and inspired lunch...a confettie filled egg war.

Nuestra Guadalupana

Nos divertimos jugando en la plaza. Y seguimos en busca de un poncho para mi primito que queria uno de sarape.

En eso vimos un nacimiento en grande y de venta. Decidimos que parte de nuestra nueva esfuerza Martinez Martinez incluiria la rosca y un nacimiento familiar.

Nos encanto la virgencita en la plaza...

Multimedia message

My first one on go blogger!

Estrellita

Timing is everything...Now a Blackberry member. I see what they mean, how did I ever pass the time at the airport before now?!

Fa la la la la...off to Palm Springs then Big Bear for the holidays. In search of a proper godparent for Estrellita!

Holiday Love!

A last hoorah before the holiday away from the city that we know and love. Took the N Judah with my lovely friend Monica to meet In Sook at Bossa Nova. The latest and greatest in boutique Brazilian.

Sipped our caipirinhas, shared small plates before toasting promotions, friendship, boyfriends and the single life. Made our way to Absinthe for dessert, and it was bustling and busy at 9pm. Glanced at the Maître d' that I happened to meet through a university friend years before. Smile and request, "possibly a table for 3 or 4 for dessert and drinks?"

Prime table with reserved label gifted to us- immediately. Life is good. The buzz of happiness surrounded us and everyone was in a festive mood.

Met more friends before approaching the velvety rope at Harlot...

Muy Nice

In the city.

The year is ending on a particularly high note! Love the job that allows me to review proposals and fund programs working towards social justice and service learning. It puts me in such a good mood. Clearly good enough to withstand the demands of the dissertation committee.

Reconnected with former friends in LA, and heard from friends in New York and Philadelphia. The holiday's seem to find everyone in a really good place.

Naughty & Nice was quite a holiday hit. Many lovely people, too much bubbly and over $600 raised for our philanthropy. My friend makes the best food and the pink tree was quite the hit too. How could I forget the geneticists art deco engagement ring and the other ABD's Ruby on platinum engagement ring. Seems I will be attending at least two weddings this summer!

In the mail received a post card inviting me back to the playa, Burning Man 2008 in BRC August 28th to September 1st. Just in time to make my Christmas list.

Made it downtown to the new Barney's New York to pick some holiday thank you gifts, the new Kate Spade also. Checked out a new restaurant in the historic Filmore Jazz District- 1300 Fillmore. Impeccable service, and from me that means a lot, couldn't ask for better company either.

The merrymaking continues down at the embarcadero for holiday cheer and ice skating...

Pink

I may have been inspired by an Ugly Betty episode I caught on our Tivo. Although I clearly remember walking past Cole Hardware and being delighted at the site of a pink tree.

That in mind our annual holiday party theme was set to Naughty & Nice with a pink and silver motif. I have never taken interest in the decorating, but this year as my friend kept track of the pink trees being in and out of stock finally decided to purchase one. The clerk told me it was the last one.

Fuzzy friend in tow, I told him he could be the godfather since he carried it a couple blocks home. Besides he is Jewish and straight, yet carefully cradled the tree up the hill. At the house we plugged in the four foot tree with preset pink lights and as my other friend and I decided what kind of skirt to get it named her the godmother as well. I named the tree Annabelle, I like to name and rename things.

Celebrated our pink tree, or Hanukkah, or maybe just the city over drinks down the street at the Candy Cane...

Super Feliz

It was a full week, Quintana Roo, Tijuana, Los Angeles, and back to San Francisco. Ended the week with more than 30 calls and texts wishing me very felices cumple. Love, love.

Enjoyed my walk to the office and my assistant took me to lunch. The staff bought me a cake with one red candle that I wished on. I picked up a bottle of Sophia rose on the walk home and Lays limon. Toasted with my friend and got ready to head to North Beach.

Had dinner with four of my loveliest girlfriends at Enricos. Had not been back to the venerable establishment since the remodel and they did a really nice job. The tree was stunning. We toasted with a bottle of red wine then bubbly, then they brought me out another mini cake, with another perfect singular red candle. From the staff I got the rockstar salutation. Guess the cobalt and blue dress still had some Vegas magic on it from partying with my queridos primos at the Palms.

We walked over to Tosca for the famed hot chocolate and brandy. I was feeling like I wanted to have a vintage celebration, muy nice as my tia Rocio would say. Life is good and really does get better with time. Love my life.

Three of us made our way to Tony Nicks, my first time but still in the neighborhood. Walked in to find one empty table for three. The night was good but then lovely In Sook decided we had one more stop, and I promise I have never laughed or enjoyed the company of good friends more. Who knew, life had soo many firsts :)

Project Martinez Martinez

Back in Tijuana via el D.F. my prima-hermana Roque Mercado and family invited me to breakfast. We sat by the window over looking the pool and courtyard at the hotel Lucerna. It was a nice way to start the day. We told her husband and two sons about our great-grandparents and growing up with their home as the center of our family.

I had chocolate caliente, which I think is best when you float a little butter in which they had and mini-pan dulces. We talked about project Martinez Martinez. Our great-grandmother was De Silva Martinez and great-grandfather Gallegos Martinez, not related we have checked one has French lineage the other Spanish either way we are 100% Mexicanos. Aguascalientes, Mexico is where we are from.

We decided for project Martinez Martinez we would return for a pool party at the Lucerna, plan a trip to Ensenada, go further into Mexico as well, definitely a cookbook. When we told my Grandma Amparo about the cookbook she listed off recipes she learned from her mom, the only one I remember is chile verde. Either way we plan to compile this cookbook and share it with our Martinez Martinez relatives.

There we were about to lay to rest our Tio-abuelo Andres Martinez Martinez and yet our family was renewing. Back at the Buena Vista there was food and drinks, and birthday cakes too! Being in my great-grandparents home again with my Martinez Martinez family, was a celebration of life, of family, of the strength that emerges when we come together. Cuatro generaciones de amor, presente!

Quintana Roo, Mexico

Some of my new favorites in Mexico...

MEXICANA DE AVIACIÓN...direct to Mexico from SFO, with complimentary top shelf drinks, meals and premium hospitality on board. Made a new friend on the flight that is an Economist based in the D.F. and invited me to visit the Colonia Roma near the famed Condesa and Polanco.

El hotel New Gran Caribe Real Cancun...five star hospitality with a soul.

Chilango...es una revista irreverente, divertida y curiosa que refleja nuestro particular estilo de habitar la ciudad y sus espacios. Incluye además nuestra nueva guía Chill & Go la mejor guía de entretenimiento de la ciudad y con la calidad editorial de Chilango, nuestros especialistas en entretenimiento reseñan, mes a mes, los mejores restaurantes, eventos, cine, arte, teatro, y actividades de nuestra ciudad.






Por que soy como soy, puritito corazon, 100% mexicano mariachi banda tequila y sol Pepe Aguilar

Se Nos Fue...

Mio Tío-Abuelo Andrés Martinez

Y me voy, a Cancun, Quintana Roo esta noche a darle el pésame a mi Abuelita Amparo y regresar con ella para el entierro de su hermano.

La vida viene y va con tanta rapidez, solamente el amor puede marcar el tiempo.

21

Days to break a habit...3 days to go.

Sun is shining in our lovely city and it is all good. Made my way to Amoeba, after spending the morning working from home.

Picked out Amy Winehouse, Cafe Tacuba, Manu Chao, Alejandro Saenz...After the listening station settled on La Radiolina and the Back to Black double cd import.

At the checkout when they called next the clerk smiled and said right on to me. Took that as a sign of approval. Seems you can't go wrong with an Amy Winehouse or Manu Chao purchase these day...or I have very good taste in music today.

72 City Hours

Second part of a previous night, toasted an attorney friends birthday at Casanova's in the Mission. Hailed a cab and made our way to the 24 hour Naan & Curry for great late night bites.

The holiday showcased a beautiful sunset that we watched from my friends family deck in the Berkeley Hills, the sun set and across the water we could see the city lights twinkling.

Started the weekend with a walk to the ocean and at 70 degrees and sunny it was unbelievable we were nearing the end of November. Perfect weather and afternoon at the Park Chalet.

Getting work done from home and when restless stepping out down the street with a friend to admire the local bartender...she admired I laughed at the age of the guy that struck up a conversation with me.

Friends Mom in town from Seattle, meant ladies who brunch back at the Cafe Majestic. Then braved the downtown crowds to grasp a glimpse of the tree in Union Square before settling in for an Irish coffee or two at the Gold Dust Lounge. She told us stories of living, teaching and falling in love in the sixties. Said we gave her hope, we listened admiringly, she noted she was out with the doctors. Three of us are heading toward that little thing called a dissertation. Her love story and raising eight children left me feeling like what ever I accomplish will never rival the beauty of her motherhood.

After a very good day, got some work done and later enjoyed my friends home cooked dinner and brownies. While it may have been a big movie weekend, no one I know saw one. We did however watch the famous Hipster Olympics...

One-hundred and Two

Blessings

My Bisabuelita Esperanza Carillo de Villareal lived to be 102. She told the family she was five years younger when she arrived to live with her daughter in Baja, California after moving from Merida years before. She had two sons Mario and Edelmiro, at 25 she had my Grandmother Julia.

My mom called before entering Mexico to tell me she would be heading straight to the mercado to see Rosie about the flower arrangements. One from each; the Salazar, Velasco Martinez, Zermeno and from her last surviving child Julia a floral casket cover. My Dad would be busy signing over the papers for the burial plot, his Grandmother was to be buried alongside her Grandson Jorge.

I would not hear from them until today, about how the rosary, velorio, misa, burial and comida went flawlessly.

My Dad told me about the changes in velorios, growing up the wake was an all night event. Today, they only go til 12am. That gave them time to rest and in the morning run around the Buena Vista with my Great Aunts Concepcion y Esperanza that would be hosting the after burial feast.

My Dad said, it was all very nice. He and his five brothers all present and greatful to the woman that had given birth to their mother Julia.

My Mother, was accompanied by her Mother and Great Aunt as well as her Sister Maria. After the mass and the burial they headed to my Mothers Great Aunts home in the Buena Vista for Chicharrones, Bistec Picado, rice, beans, salsa, tacos de panela, even though I am a vegetarian, as my dad went on to describe the feast lovingly prepared I got a little hungry. If I closed my eyes, I could imagine the scents wafting from the kitchen door into the dining room. The scents that first woke me as a child as my Bisabuelita Lolita prepared the morning meals.

To me there is nothing morbid about death: I was taught how to mourn. My parents never kept me from wakes, open caskets, burials, or the celebration of life that follows. I couldn't be physically there with them, but I was there in spirit.

In San Francisco my good friend Rebekka stopped by my office, looked into mass times, met me for soup, that I was craving. Monica called to tell me she was reachable to see how I was doing, she had kept me company the previous two nights.

I didn't listen to music the whole day, took a nap, went along my day quietly. After dinner, I realized in Mexico they would be celebrating her life now. So, we went for a drink.

We made our way to the Mission to Delerium to meet with Adam, Tia, Ammie, Vinnay, and then someone coordinated a toast, to my Great Grandmother to a life well lived. I sipped my tequila knowing all the way down in Mexico, mi familia would be doing the same...

Esperanza

From the airport made my way to the Flamingo Hilton on the strip. Waiting on my parents to make it back from the Golden Nugget downtown, on the phone I said hello to Canvas their favorite Vegas bartender. Meanwhile I sat at the bar with Vi the bartender who knew me. My parents have been going to the same two Vegas spots for more than twenty years.

Finally my Mom, Dad, Abuelita, Madrina and Great Aunt made it back. I went to the cafe with my Great Aunt, then my Mom and Madrina showed up. My primos were already texting and trying to coordinate our evening out.

Made it up to my room at the very top floor overlooking the pool, it was good to be back in the Nevada desert. With no time to apply the fake eyelashes, I had bought with my friend when she was visiting San Francisco from LA. Still tried to channel my inner Amy Winehouse eye makeup. Cobalt blue and black dress and platform black patent leather heels and I was ready.

Headed to the Palms, to meet with my generation of family. Arizona, South Carolina, Texas, and California. None of us are very good at waiting in line, so, we crossed the velvet rope and emerged at the Ghost Bar. I love my family.

Later as we drank rounds, took family votes and danced, I said to them, "I love my life." "Love that we are family." They took it up, and toasted, "we love our life."

Before we knew it we had taken up a side lounge and they were turning up the music, the dj was hanging out with us, and time had no meaning. We agreed somewhere along 4am to have brunch with our parents the next day.

At 10:30 the next morning the brunch plans were set. I needed two aspirins and a coke, but made my way to the Paris for a family lunch.

This time my dad and primo arranged a private dining room and we walked right in. We told them all about the night before, yes, we had partied like rockstars and loved our life. Three hours later people had to leave to their respective states.

We had one more night, champagne brunch had definitely been a family highlight.

The next morning my Dad got a call. His grandmother had died peacefully in her sleep. I was sad, that I had lost my last Great-Grandmother. In my lifetime I was able to know three of my four Great-Grandparents. Now my Bisabuelita Dolores Martinez got to meet my Bisabuelita Esperanza Carrillo. We have family everywhere. Love.

Vegas Baby

It has been a long year for the Roques' and the Salazars'. For very different reasons, but love and beauty seem to flourish after-all.

All I have to say is that at the end of the day we are so blessed our parents became such good compadres and family.

All the years we spent driving back and forth to celebrate New Year's, Thanksgiving or Noche Buena, were captured on video, photographs, but more importantly imprinted in our memory.

Here we are the next generation emerging and as close as the bonds our parents showed us. In honor of my primas 3oth we are meeting in Vegas. From Arizona, Texas, San Diego, Los Angeles, South Carolina, we are bridging four generations.

Reconstructing our family tree, to be whole, with the memories of those who no longer travel with us. Sometimes, a person is bigger than their life and other times they are just not enough person to fill what they were born into.

Either way the family continues, and continues, and one day, when we are no longer here, these trips, and memories will continue to be passed down within this family...

NOPA

Headed North of the Panhandle for dinner with our friends Dad who is in from the East Coast. We dined for three hours starting with the very pretty cocktails, and with dinner moved on to a very good pinot. Fort Ross, if you ever come across a bottle and are in the mood for medium to full bodied wine. I tasted vanilla, but may be totally wrong.

It was such a nice time. My two friends and me have all spent time with each others parents on different occasions. One of them is having us over for Thanksgiving dinner in Berkeley. Since my parents will be in Southern California they gave me a very good bottle of tequila to show their thanks to my host family.

There is just something about adult friends that is really beautiful. I don't know how I got to be so blessed. As we sat and talked at dinner, I felt lucky that although we grew up in geographically different households we all had parents in longstanding and loving relationships.

We all relate to our parents and each others parents in a loving and caring way. I hope I am as cool and fun to be around when I am a parent:)

Dub Mission

Back in the city and professionally I seemed to be on a streak.

I was appointed as the new Service Learning Grant Coordinator through summer. Looking forward to spending my entire budget on educator created community projects. The novel perks for me were the office, the travel I get to take to the field from Seattle to San Diego and my favorite cities in between to see the funding in action.

Midweek returned to my campus to give a professional development, and asked back for one more. Spent my Saturday, facilitating and supporting, realizing only continued thoughtful dialogue will make any change possible in our society.

Worked through the reverse jet-lag, and just took time to sleep, and rest.

It was a great week.
*
Love is one thing, lifestyle is another. Sometimes, no amount of love can bridge that divide. At least not in the present. Too bad timing couldn't permit a languid lunch, a lighter Saturday, in the end I trust it all works out.

Hadn't been back since summer but on occasion of the long weekend made our way to our favorite Sunday night spot Dub Mission. It was late, it was cold and we decided our friends would just have to make their way upstairs to find us. Coat check, and drink, we just started to take it in.

It was packed, it smelled sweet, we felt the warmth. And shortly we were holding court among nationals that would rival the U.N. So the night was a mix of friends, and friends of friends, from Korea, Tunisia, France, Argentina, Palestine, Nigeria, y Brazil!

We danced, and danced, and when a dub of No One by Alicia Keys came on, you could feel the love in the room. "You can be sure, that it will only get better..."

...

He said...



She said...

Mi Amparo

Mi Abuelita
Nos unimos mas de cien familiares y amistades para brindarle sus ochenta: Cuatro generaciones, presente.




Nuestra querida Abuelita y su primera bisnieta, la preciosa infante Rosalinda.

NYC

Took the regional train from Baltimore, through Delaware, Philadelphia, New Jersey, to NYC. First breath out the door of Penn Station and I felt alive. Anticipating what the city had in store. Hailed a cab, checked in to our midtown hotel. Little black dress never fails, took a town-car through central park to Lincoln Center.

Inside the Metropolitan Opera House the plush red, gold and crystal was beautiful, and that was only the lobby. Our friend met us at the door tickets in hand. Like all good things family circle seats are passed down and there I was a California girl attending like a true New Yorker.

From our little balcony boxes we saw the beautiful love story of Aida unfold. My favorite part was when they brought out the horses, the brown ones were my favorite, the white ones were very nice too. Due to a misunderstanding we missed the first act, and we were told they had real live elephants onstage also. I loved the full orchestra, choreography, set design, it was like watching a musical, dance recital, theater, concert all in one! During the intermissions we sipped bubbly and viewed costumes of Pavarotti on display. While he was a very round man he was certainly not a very tall one.

I am not sure what part of town we sat down in for our 11:45pm dinner, but Blue Ribbon, which has expanded since I last went three years ago, was delicious. In the basement they housed an entire brick oven bread bakery. Over dinner we discussed travel, a wedding in Dubai, journeys through South America.

We continued to MAS a southern French lounge and restaurant. They handed me my after dinner drink in a crystal sifter with my espresso, frangelico and hand whipped cream. The after dinner conversation, centered on the slow food movement alive and well in NYC, as well as a discussion on viewing education through an economist lens. Likely because there were economists and scholars in the conversation.

Out the window I saw neat stacks of cardboard flattened and tied with string. Blue bags for recycling, and no bins. I learned that in NYC, the trash is privately contracted not city run. Around 3am, I saw the big apple recycling truck come by, and was giddy. (At MAS late night dining and alcohol are served til 4am.) It was a funny thing to focus on I suppose, but novel to me.

The next day, my good friend and L.A. transplant met me for brunch. We took the subway to Union Square walked through the farmers market to Craft Bar. Great company, good food and breaking news: Seems I may be attending her wedding in Vermont next Fall!

Locals Only

Baltimore has been surprisingly less drab than I expected. After a full day of conference activities finally changed into street clothes to explore the city. Unfortunately the inner harbor area looked like any other corporate mini-mall.

So, I just turned on the brick lined street and approached the couple walking towards us. 'Are you from here?' They replied positively and pointed us in two directions we might consider, Federal Hill or Little Italy.

Once in Little Italy we headed towards the restaurant they had suggested. Two other locals noticed us and asked if we had been to the area before. No, and they suggested Amicci's also, the bar has a nice atmosphere. We took our seat and had a great meal and bottle of Italian wine also.

Towards the end of our meal we noticed the patrons at the bar were smoking. Just because we could we had to bum a cigarette, menthol fortunately. The server told us that in Maryland they had been prohibiting smoking indoors one county at a time, and unfortunately, Baltimore was up in January.

Walking back towards our hotel, I commented that Baltimore was actually pretty. We agreed the brick sidewalks are beautiful but hardly stilleto friendly.

Off to NYC tomorrow!

Beauties

Pain

At the yoga studio the instructor was commenting on how she can always tell the bad thoughts someone is thinking. 'They just look at you with this air of contempt.' Sometimes I just want to tell them- 'this isn't supposed to be easy.' Trust me I offered, the classes we suffer through most, in retrospect are the best. 'I just feel like saying get over it.' He was probably hung over I offered, that is the worst. Note to self- yoga teachers can read minds...

That is exactly why my friend and I had skipped yoga and went for a mini walk that included a stop at the Kezar Pub. It was sunny, it was happy hour, it was the world series? Yes, it was on, and I commented on how I did not like the contemporary uniforms of the Rockies. I don't know either team well, but would take the Red Sox based solely on their fashion sense. Seems they are killing the series anyway.

Easily ignoring the flat screens we got back to our cran and vodkas, and east coast plans. On her to do list was a facial, and she convinced me it would be fun. Appointment booked it was her gift to me because I had never been. Ninety-minutes, I had no idea they could work on your face for that amount of time, without minor surgery!

I didn't have plans to go out and that was good because although my skin did not look it, was really very sensitive. Sure enough by the time I had to go to my first wedding in the city, my face felt normal again. Slid into the vintage little black I.Magnin dress and pink with gold baubles, contemplated purses and overcoats. My friend had already arrived and was having a beer in the kitchen, we caught up as I did my makeup in the next room. That was the first time I noticed my skin, it had a particular color and texture of its own, that could only be described as new skin.

Traded the low heels for the higher ones and realized, beauty does feel good. Wonder if the esthetician was able to read my mind...

Me Gustas Tu

This song has been on my mind the last few days...I couldn't figure out if the lyrics were Manu or Julietta Venegas.

Thank goodness that is resolved soo much to do before heading east next week!

Social Studies

I don't like to wait. So I am usually not the first person anywhere...

To my surprise when we arrived with the birthday girl on time to our 8pm dinner reservations, the table was not ready. Fortunately my fellow doctoral student coordinated a round of French 75's and we toasted to girls night. Maybe it was 8:10 when I returned to ask how much longer? By then the Maitre Di came over to asked if we had ordered a small plate, "oh they are probably sending it to us since they are late with our table and it is my friends birthday." A great woman and funeral director said- I want to be you.

Table ready, as promised 1, 2, 3, complimentary hot orderves arrived. Dinner was your seasonal, sustainable, organic you name it goodness and the social worker ordered a big pork thing the whole table shared (oh, the solitary life of a vegetarian :). We took turns toasting to the good things in our life and our friend the sustainable MBA shared her up and coming business venture. The made to order molten chocolate cupcakes at the end of the night were delicious!
*
Discussing my dissertation with the seminar class, heard a mumble following my response to a question. I was amused by the discussion and the comment well, "I am being assertive, not defensive, there is a difference." Later in the discussion the same man commented on how I should be careful with my wording, "yes, I should just come out and say the educational practices are implicitly racist, you know it is a little difficult to have a discussion with you when your are so limited in your knowledge of both my conceptual framework and methodology." Interestingly enough he had nothing more to say. A colleague later called me passionate, "thank you."
*
Reprinted the last memory of the Latin American Social Club with drinks and funny sounding Spanish with the group of Uruguayan, Argentinean, Venezuelan, and Spanish natives. Crossed the street to the Make Out Room and danced to cumbias & dub with the international crew plus the Mexico City additions. Headed over to my first Balazo clandestino, where the international Latino set continued early into the morning. Manu Chau streaming through the speakers, fresh mojito in hand, and my querido boludo- perfect.

Mediums

While reading Foucault in the living room with CurrentTV and MTV Tr3s alternately serving as a background decided to try out the video feature on my new ipod.

I must admit, the grant gave me the nano video for educational purposes? First I transferred my existing music library and realized 8gigs is going to go pretty far, I fully intend to load it with my favorite music videos as well. So, far only got as far as finding this video by Calle 13 that really fits well with the week. At least if you have spent it discussing the virtues of; Coyotes, INS, and humanity. Now, I just have to figure out without investing too much time how to take it from YouTube to Apple.

CurrentTV had a great podcast by Blakkbox on Hezbollah and Mtv3 a great forum on immigration hosted by Ask a Mexican's Own Gustavo Arellano.

Calle 13 though, has a gift for taking the uncomfortable mainstream.

Southern Hospitality

I have learned that between federal and foundation funding, I will likely pursue mainly the foundation funding. They are more in-line with my own beliefs. Saw first hand proposals that had been funded. Discussed the Fulbright, The Ford, The Spencer, how once you get into one of the 'families,' the funding pretty much continues through your career.

One of my colleagues wrote me into the foundation proposal she completed. I decided finally that I was going to pursue non-residential post doctoral opportunities. Had a moment of doubt when I cam across a two year residential postdoc cross country but decided that is not really what I want to do next.

Shared my argument for using Michel Foucault as my dissertation framework. After two days of sharing my findings with my work-group they were satisfied with the confidence I had built in my argument.

Rode to the Professors home with another doctoral student that has relocated with her husband to Kansas. We talked about what we might want in a university. Her debate being at a tier 1 institution or not. I mentioned my preferences keep changing for pursuing public vs. private universities, but I think it has a lot to do with the student demographic at the college.

Inside the 'reception,' I quickly realized the vegetarian mind set was soo far from anyone's mind...Not that I have a problem with a liquid dinner. Quickly learned about the Green Hulk and Cupid Shuffle.

One part Hypnotique + One part Hennesey = Green Hulk, on the rocks and stir. Two Green Hulks later, on the dance floor learning the Cupid Shuffle, hearing about quirky engagements, and discussing Christian Louboutin heels with professors across the nation. Florida has been lovely.

Spain via Florida

Another sunny Florida day, and feel like the Sangria was in true Spanish form last night. One of the things I remember fondly about going to Spain was finding an underground lounge- in the sweltering humid heat, the below ground venue was a cool refuge.

We decided since we had taken the panoramic train ride from Barcelona to Valencia we were going to order a pitcher of their namesake drink. So we ordered Agua de Valencia, which sounded really refreshing. It was really smooth, the combination of fresh orange juice with cava and vodka, was really easy to drink. After the first pitcher we ordered another.

This was me and my sisters first trip to Europe. On account of her college graduation we set our sights on Ibiza. My mother objected to us spending two weeks on the Balearic Island, to please her, we planned a stop on the mainland. Pushed through the jetlag, enjoyed the Barcelona nightlife, and Spanish culture, met cute Italian law students, on a quest to visit the Lladro Workshop we made our way to Valencia.

We didn't know if it was the heat or the sugar or the alcohol that had gotten to us, because suddenly the Agua de Valencia had us laughing and trying to figure out how we got to such a happy state. Regardless we wanted to recreate this back at home so we asked the server what the ratio of, cava, oj, and vodka were? It seems we had left out an ingredient- gin. Gin, we missed it, no wonder, se nos subio!

It might be the salsa music I have the pleasure of hearing everywhere here and the combination of Caribbean accents which are so distinct here, something makes me want to hop on a plane and head further east. Or it might be the warm sun and friendly disposition of everyone on this side of the country that reminds me of good times.

At the intimate dinner at the Spanish restaurant last night, the professors from across the nation informally gathered to talk about their grandchildren, their fight for full tenure, their creative projects, and travel, they offered me a balanced look of what my future had in store.

One of the things I know, once I complete my dissertation I will be able to take on some of the travel I enjoy without the guilt of deadlines. I think I have caught the travel bug, I had been cured for a good minute, but am glad it is back :)

The coffee is finally kicking in, thank goodness the south moves about as fast as molasses.

La Florida

Warm and sunny in the mid 80's on this lovely and slightly jetlagged Florida day.

Learning many insights to attaining funding for projects that one day will be my own small contribution to the well being of others.

To build solutions with the community, to write the words that have been omitted. With a group of comitted and like minded scholars. One just found out he won a book award.

In my small group shared and learned our own experiences of writing our own stories, how we negotiate what we know and what we want others to understand. In the presence of two Dakota scholars understood that others understand the way I do: Solidarity feels good.

An excerpt from my notes today...
'Sacred Breath, what you say comes back to you,' Long Feather