Project Dissertation

I moved to this fabulous city three years ago mainly to; be near an airport for travel, be able to not trade my stilletos for trainers, and to finish my doctoral studies in four years. Yes, that pretty much sums up my priorities at 30. So now I am ABD with nine months to go and San Francisco is no easy city to ignore. Although, I would argue that each experience that deters my academic writing is really just needed inspiration. Welcome and I hope you enjoy...

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Location: San Francisco, California, United States

Bilingual, Bicultural, and Dual Citizen. J School B.A., M.A. in High Incidence Disabilities, & ABD in Education.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Inner Circle Friends

Over lunch in Hayes Valley I shared with my friend the fury I had felt the last 12 hours. Given the circumstances she said it was normal.

She is the kind of person I have chosen to surround myself with, a survivor. I expressed to her what I had learned from a chaplain a few years before.

When someone is ill or terminal lending your strength is most appreciated. If you come to the infirm seeking something from them then you are depleting their much needed strength. The point is to lend them strength, resolve your own emotionality so you are not making them responsible for making you feel better.

I learned that sometimes quiet presence and maintaining a sense of normalcy is enough. These are all answers I sought in the year my padrino was ill.

My friend said that was a healthy take. When she has been in my situation she said there are clearly two types of people. Those that step up genuinely and those that are seeking you to comfort them. She said of the second group it is your right not to console them or give them your strength that you are channeling towards helping your mom have healing thoughts.

It was raining and we walked over to get some tea, I realized I really did have a good support system in San Francisco.

And in Los Angeles there was the best friend from ninth grade that offered me support and perspective from being a married man in love. The lifetime neighbor that called to share my positive outlook, left her mobile number as she would be out of town for a few days, and anything we needed do not hesitate to ask. A group of men that would offer prayers and a sweat for my mom.

Later in the day another survivor friend called to see what my evening looked like. Still at the office I mentioned I had to use up some of my groceries since I would be leaving town soon. And there was a lovely bottle of tequila my good friend had given me for my birthday.

Over soy tacos, and quinoa we made fancy margarita's with agave nectar and grand marnier. Then after sharing what my week had been like my two friends insisted on reading my bad poetry. It is funny because they never knew me in the creative capacity of open mic. After my reading they agreed they never wanted me to write a poem about them :)



Blogger Monica said...

The inner circle is always here for you! I am watching your strength radiate...and all my strength is yours...


2:44 PM  
Blogger Lorena said...

gracias amiga :)feel so blessed to have so much strength to borrow, from LA

5:57 PM  

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