Have Felt

Like this...

"Bay Poem from Berkeley"
by, Sandra Cisneros

Mornings I still
reach for you before
opening my eyes.

An antique habit from
last summer when we pulled
each other into the heat of groin
and belly, slept with an arm
around the other.

The Texas sun was like that.
Like a body asleep beside you.

But when I open my eyes
to the flannel and down,
mist at the window and blue
light from the bay, I remember
where I am.

This weight
on the other side of the bed
is only books, not you. What
I said I loved more than you.
True.

Though these mornings
I wish books loved back.

Heart my Geeks

My mom has been known to stop the watch on her wrist. When I used to wear a watch I tired of them losing track of time. I like to think we are composed of something smarter than time.

When I was home for the holidays I told my parents about my super crosscut almost industrial shredder not working. I used it for all my draft documents. One day it decided to only work in reverse. When set in forward motion it provided only a dull hum.

I was not sure what to do with the heavy duty shredder. Thought of calling some handy people I knew or taking it back to the store? Instead I decided to give it rest. When I returned from Los Angeles I called my parents to let them know I had fixed it.

First I ran the shredder in reverse mode then switched it forward and ever since my 15 month old shredder has worked perfectly!

Before leaving to LA my laptop also stopped running. The virus scan was 45 minutes into it with no virus in site when it stopped. I turned it on and it turned off.

So I figured I would just let it rest. Maybe this is all to AI but figured this might be just like a watch. Not the case and after a call assuring the extended warranty was still in effect I took it to the Geek Squad at Best Buy.

The 23rd of December and I had their undivided attention. Left my laptop in their trusty hands and made a call to cash in my mobile phone upgrade.Twenty minutes later I was wireless with a mobile PC.

In Palm Springs with my new Blackberry in hand the Geek Squad called me. Hard drive would be replaced completely under warranty and did I want them to take any data off of it?

Screwdriver in hand in the sun, I tried to take my attention off the palmtrees remembered the order; backup desktop, word files, powerpoints then music library, please and thank you.

Went to pick up the dvd full of data and there it was all the work I had created over the last three years. Funny how things work, the grant allotted me both a desktop and laptop for the duration of my post. The blackberry enabled me to post the final grades for the university course I had taught from Big Bear! Somehow I was wired without a lapse.

Yesterday I got a call from a Geekette, the computer was back but needed some programs and the queue was backed up it would be longer than they thought. So I said possibly could you please ask if they could get it done before my business trip?

One day later my laptop is with me again and all I can say is that this winter, some Geeks saved my life ;)

Dub Mission

Back in the city and professionally I seemed to be on a streak.

I was appointed as the new Service Learning Grant Coordinator through summer. Looking forward to spending my entire budget on educator created community projects. The novel perks for me were the office, the travel I get to take to the field from Seattle to San Diego and my favorite cities in between to see the funding in action.

Midweek returned to my campus to give a professional development, and asked back for one more. Spent my Saturday, facilitating and supporting, realizing only continued thoughtful dialogue will make any change possible in our society.

Worked through the reverse jet-lag, and just took time to sleep, and rest.

It was a great week.
*
Love is one thing, lifestyle is another. Sometimes, no amount of love can bridge that divide. At least not in the present. Too bad timing couldn't permit a languid lunch, a lighter Saturday, in the end I trust it all works out.

Hadn't been back since summer but on occasion of the long weekend made our way to our favorite Sunday night spot Dub Mission. It was late, it was cold and we decided our friends would just have to make their way upstairs to find us. Coat check, and drink, we just started to take it in.

It was packed, it smelled sweet, we felt the warmth. And shortly we were holding court among nationals that would rival the U.N. So the night was a mix of friends, and friends of friends, from Korea, Tunisia, France, Argentina, Palestine, Nigeria, y Brazil!

We danced, and danced, and when a dub of No One by Alicia Keys came on, you could feel the love in the room. "You can be sure, that it will only get better..."

Social Studies

I don't like to wait. So I am usually not the first person anywhere...

To my surprise when we arrived with the birthday girl on time to our 8pm dinner reservations, the table was not ready. Fortunately my fellow doctoral student coordinated a round of French 75's and we toasted to girls night. Maybe it was 8:10 when I returned to ask how much longer? By then the Maitre Di came over to asked if we had ordered a small plate, "oh they are probably sending it to us since they are late with our table and it is my friends birthday." A great woman and funeral director said- I want to be you.

Table ready, as promised 1, 2, 3, complimentary hot orderves arrived. Dinner was your seasonal, sustainable, organic you name it goodness and the social worker ordered a big pork thing the whole table shared (oh, the solitary life of a vegetarian :). We took turns toasting to the good things in our life and our friend the sustainable MBA shared her up and coming business venture. The made to order molten chocolate cupcakes at the end of the night were delicious!
*
Discussing my dissertation with the seminar class, heard a mumble following my response to a question. I was amused by the discussion and the comment well, "I am being assertive, not defensive, there is a difference." Later in the discussion the same man commented on how I should be careful with my wording, "yes, I should just come out and say the educational practices are implicitly racist, you know it is a little difficult to have a discussion with you when your are so limited in your knowledge of both my conceptual framework and methodology." Interestingly enough he had nothing more to say. A colleague later called me passionate, "thank you."
*
Reprinted the last memory of the Latin American Social Club with drinks and funny sounding Spanish with the group of Uruguayan, Argentinean, Venezuelan, and Spanish natives. Crossed the street to the Make Out Room and danced to cumbias & dub with the international crew plus the Mexico City additions. Headed over to my first Balazo clandestino, where the international Latino set continued early into the morning. Manu Chau streaming through the speakers, fresh mojito in hand, and my querido boludo- perfect.

Southern Hospitality

I have learned that between federal and foundation funding, I will likely pursue mainly the foundation funding. They are more in-line with my own beliefs. Saw first hand proposals that had been funded. Discussed the Fulbright, The Ford, The Spencer, how once you get into one of the 'families,' the funding pretty much continues through your career.

One of my colleagues wrote me into the foundation proposal she completed. I decided finally that I was going to pursue non-residential post doctoral opportunities. Had a moment of doubt when I cam across a two year residential postdoc cross country but decided that is not really what I want to do next.

Shared my argument for using Michel Foucault as my dissertation framework. After two days of sharing my findings with my work-group they were satisfied with the confidence I had built in my argument.

Rode to the Professors home with another doctoral student that has relocated with her husband to Kansas. We talked about what we might want in a university. Her debate being at a tier 1 institution or not. I mentioned my preferences keep changing for pursuing public vs. private universities, but I think it has a lot to do with the student demographic at the college.

Inside the 'reception,' I quickly realized the vegetarian mind set was soo far from anyone's mind...Not that I have a problem with a liquid dinner. Quickly learned about the Green Hulk and Cupid Shuffle.

One part Hypnotique + One part Hennesey = Green Hulk, on the rocks and stir. Two Green Hulks later, on the dance floor learning the Cupid Shuffle, hearing about quirky engagements, and discussing Christian Louboutin heels with professors across the nation. Florida has been lovely.

La Florida

Warm and sunny in the mid 80's on this lovely and slightly jetlagged Florida day.

Learning many insights to attaining funding for projects that one day will be my own small contribution to the well being of others.

To build solutions with the community, to write the words that have been omitted. With a group of comitted and like minded scholars. One just found out he won a book award.

In my small group shared and learned our own experiences of writing our own stories, how we negotiate what we know and what we want others to understand. In the presence of two Dakota scholars understood that others understand the way I do: Solidarity feels good.

An excerpt from my notes today...
'Sacred Breath, what you say comes back to you,' Long Feather

Musings

After days of searching through the 1200 plus page The SAGE Handbook of Qualitative Research, found myself in love with the work of the late French philosopher Michel Foucault. I grew so enamoured of folding his work into my own that I would have gladly ignored the city...

That rarely happens. So instead I brought the reading with me to the cafes. Talked incessantly to my friends about him. One of them giggled about the pronunciation okay actually two did. But after drinks with a true French speaker we had a clear pronunciation of his name.

Reading the articles on him, I was finally able to narrow down the one book I do plan to purchase, The Archeology of Knowledge and the Discourse of Language.

I also came up with my proposal idea for funding when I meet with the Federal and Foundation fundees in Florida next week!

Doing all this work now so that I can head to LA and be fully present to participate in celebrating the nuptials of my best friend from ninth grade...

Aside from Foucault this weekend my friends indulged me with a trip to the Love Parade festivities in the Civic Center, Lil Baobab to drink hibiscus cocktails and dance, a long walk in the sun and some wine of course. Foucault, friends, and travel-I am such a lucky girl.

Reading is Sexy

At least the printed tee that two of my friends have thinks so. Maybe because we are often buried under a pile of text, the take on a treasured hobby and necessity is extra funny.

My studious look consists less of tee's and more of cashmere sweaters and dark denim to help with the chill of early morning or late night walking to and from the libraries and cafes. Maybe I can have the image transferred onto a canvas bag: I suppose that would make it a book bag, I digress.

Here are some of the little treasures I unearthed this week in no particular order...

"In return they expect her to be what Antonio Gramsci (1971) would call one of their 'organic intellectuals.' She has made it through a racist economic and educational system. She now has the academic credentials and the writing skills to be among a select community of experts, authors..." On Angela Valenzuela in The Sage Handbook of Qualitative Research, Denzin & Lincoln, 2005.

"But if we are in the business of knowledge accumulation, as Stephen Gould (2003) has written, 'replication with difference, builds the best case for generality. And the way to begin this process is through data sharing." On the secondary analysis of qualitative data in Building a Scientific Community: The need for Replication, Schneider, 2004.

"A more radical response is to argue that the design, conduct and analysis of both qualitative and quantitative research are always contingent upon the contextualisation and interpretation of subjects' situation and responses." On methodological consideration in Secondary analysis of qualitative data, Heaton, 1998.

The Best Things in Life

Are FREE...

I have the best flatmates ever! This weekend we picked a night to explore the city and found our way into the Rickshaw Stop. Not our usual spot but we could still make it to the Bhangra dance lesson. I have long been a fan of Bollywood and regularly watch Showbiz India. The Non-Stop Bhangra nites have been on our radar for a while and my friend knew the instructor.

We took our spot on the crowded dance floor for the lesson, drank a little liquid courage, and continued to dance and sweat and laugh and have the best time until, our feet could no longer take it!
*
Participated in a three site videoconference and the think tank mentioned the importance of podcasting and how they would be outfitting us all with the tools to create them (read new ipod)I love research!

After the videoconference I got the email that they were funding me also to go to Florida for a writing 'retreat,' wee...all I had to do was call their travel agent and I was booked. And hooked to the comfort and ease of using a travel agent all over again.
*
I walked up to the local 'La Boulange,' and as I waited for my latte, chocolate croissant in hand, recognized my mechanic in line ahead of me. After a brief hello and car talk he insisted on getting my breakfast. The cashier that rang us up said, 'wow I wish people bought me stuff.' I smiled and said they are the friendliest garage in the neighborhood.
*
Giving thanks, I firmly believe in practicing it. I must say after facilitating a group and presenting a workshop to urban educators Saturday, my regular university lecture on Monday, and then a guest lecture the next day...receiving thanks for your knowledge and work is just all-together a new kind of good. I think my friend calls it 'value added.'