Snow Lovely

When I first moved to San Francisco, I couldn't imagine why people wanted to spend the winter commuting up to Tahoe. Drive in traffic to the snow? This debate was at the center of many winter relationships, he loved the snow/snowboarding and his friends did too, so why was I so reluctant to leave the city?

I just couldn't get enough of San Francisco, I was in my own wonderland. Yet I have taken at least one trip a year to the snow since leaving LA. It is always fun once I am out here in the company of friends. Finally after a few years of dealing with the cold I made my way to the Sports Basement for a winter sample sale and scored on some really cute snow gear by Bonfire. Once warm, I could focus on enjoying the snow. I think having the right gear in the elements is essential to enjoyment.

One winter I signed up to take a snow boarding class at Northstar. I would have been just as happy sitting around the fire pit at Squa but my friends convinced me. So I convinced them a shot of tequila before would increase our courage. Totally suspended my vertigo temporarily. My snowboarding didn't really improve but we found the tequila and instructor from Chile really inspiring.

It seems every year I am getting to the snow more and more. My friend has a cozy cabin up here and the wireless makes it easy to work remotely. Sometimes I just stay in and work, the view is amazing. I did not grow up with snowsports but I am learning to appreciate the peaceful beauty and pace of mountain living.

This trip was just to slow down. Just what I needed, a cozy fire and hot tub in the snow. Made my way into town, thanks to the hospitality of a friendly local, and discovered some places I really enjoyed. I could see why this winter wonderland could be habit forming...

Cottonwood
Pianeta Ristorante
Squeeze In

Volunteering is Sexy

Altruism is sexier...

And it feels good. Doing something for others because you can, knowing that you are contributing to their well being. Expecting nothing in return, anonymity at best.

I grew up seeing my parents generously sharing of their time and energy with family and friends. Through their example and encouragement I learned to share what I had. If it was a collection of Alms, the jar in my home would always return to the church full. When the phone calls came at strange times of the day or night, they would make the effort to support their loved ones through their discomfort. I never really thought this was out of the ordinary, just what familia did.

In my own physical limitations I have never been one to run to someones hospital bedside. Not my strength and fortunately due to my faintness at such moments not expected. Do I share my time, energy, and resources when possible? Absolutely, it feels awkward not to.

It is the kindness of those around me that facilitates many of my own good intentions.

Just back from chaperoning a snow trip. My friend donated her home in the snow. For socio and economic reasons, the students had not left the city, seen the snow, sat around a wood stove as the fire burned. Many of them, do not have the experiences of traveling or vacationing with family or parents...

The sacrifice on the chaperons side were minimal; no alcohol obviously, or hottubbing- not when all 8 are teenage boys, Dios mio!

If you have the time, energy, or talent- share them, you will leave an impression and memory that did not exist before.

Tahoe Summit

I admit the snow and I are still learning to get along....

My friends believe I should have a reality show. This snow hike was quite the adventure for me.

At least my Itallian friend said I looked smaaashing! Fashion counts, even in the great outdoors ;)
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Girls Gone Tahoe

Depersonalization Disorder. Just read it on the road trip home, in a fashion magazine of all things. In the DSM but with very little known about how to treat it. Looking to the big pharmaceutical companies to cure it. About a sense of disconnected, surrealness, about ones life. A combination of Anxiety and Depression Disorders. A Buddhas teaching of egolessness gone bad.

I was riding back with a scientist and asked her about it. She said, she had read the article too. My other friend commenting on how it sounded like a deep depression if the person was unable to lift themselves out of bed. Then I commented it was much like a character in the book I had picked off her shelf before we headed out of town, Oh the Glory of It All. In the book the best friend had usurped her, taking her husband and sons affection with it, now she laid in bed, days at a time.

Between the champagne, playstation and the snow the second annual girls weekend was a hit. Truly articulate women commenting on how monogamy is a trade. How marriage, does require decisions. How silly it was to be called an opt out wife if you choose to stay home with your child. All thirtysomething with no children. Confident that the choices we made would be our own.

Yet somehow, I realized we spend so much of our life coasting. Comfortably numb, and one psychologist commented in her book that the same comfort we carve out leaves us so guarded and safe from even our own emotions.

It is funny how it all comes together, the books, conversations, articles in glossy magazines to make a commentary on being comfortably numb. As I unpacked my weekend luggage I thought, of words like coasting, getting by, just really words that lack any true feeling. Everything comes so naturally, so easily, that we loose a part of ourselves that challenged or questioned. A zest, the drive, complacent to not, question or challenge, not stand up to what is not right. Staying in the relationship when you know clearly you are settling, or maybe you don't know, and that is even more troubling.

The symptoms of the depersonalization disorder are linked to an adolescent experience that is traumatic in nature, or an illness. It may be a long shot, but it sounds like if we take what is easy, then we will question our own ability to feel in the long run.

The weekend away was perfect. The time spent with new and old friends significant. Reaffirming, reassuring that experiences do not occur in complete isolation, when you share your story. Addiction, tough love, sibling relationships, family, all issues we have had to take unpopular stands on. All decisions, thoughtful and life altering, we can wake up and know that we are not numb, not de-personalized, thankfully quite outspoken.

Love and Thanks

I am truly humbled by the beauty of strangers, friends, and family that lent their strength and prayers for my pretty mami. She is home recovering now and the phone calls, visits, and good wishes continue. Her mom is there cooking up a storm, at 80 my abuelita has displayed a quiet faith and strength, she is inspiring. Her doting husband is still amazing and in love. My parents just celebrated their 36th wedding anniversary.

The rosaries and misas that have been said in her name from Aguascalientes, through Mexico and baja are very appreciated. The powerful Christian prayer angeles, the pastors and ministers that lead their congregations in prayer, made a difference. The calls upon and alms offered in my mothers name for prayers in Malasia, from Buddhist priests, from the elders, and the stone people, gracias. For those that included her in their daily prayers and positive thoughts, thank you.

The last few weeks I felt fueled by a super human adreniline. I dreamt someone blew a great gust of air my way, I can only imagine it was my great-grandmothers Dolores and Esperanza, my great-tia Aurora, smiling down upon me. I needed all of that and more. When, I felt low friends and family lent strength to. Finaly the pace has slowed and although I feel a little tired very happy that my mom is home and resting. I am settling back to life in the city. In a few days heading to Tahoe to enjoy the beauty of nature and simple snow...I am in awe, inspired, and in love with the kindness of others.

Gracias a mi virgencita de Guadalupe por no desamparar me.